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Monday, February 24, 2014

Juan Pablo- episode 7

Sorry for the delay.... bronchitis and a sinus infection have kept me down for the better part of last week. 
That being said, I don't want to keep this post from you for Juan more minute. 


-I love that JP's cousin has braces
-Sharleen has 10 minutes to get ready for her date, yet she spends some of that time pondering her life on a balcony? That time could have been better used practicing kissing on the back of her hand. Just sayin.
-Sharleen is the worst kisser. She makes me want to die
-Stop making out
-Juan Pablo just bit her lip. O.M.G.
-They don't talk. They just kiss. What a connection.

-Is Nikki really going to wear that on a date to Camilla's dance recital? Classy.
-Juan Pablo's baby mama is the hottest girl on this season. She needs more air time
-Baby mama for bachelorette! I'm starting the campaign now.
-How did Nikki just tell Camilla that her kisses taste like Cheetos? I think she thought she being cute but it just made me feel weird. 
-Nikki is wearing a shirt made out of paper
-Did you just see Juan Pablo looking down Nikki's shirt? I mean, she's totally asking for it with that shirt, or lack thereof, but still... he wasn't trying to hide it at all. 
-Juan Pablo needs to work on his eye contact. And I don't mean eye contact with the lady parts... he has that contact down just fine. 
-"If the moon and the skies want us to be together" blah blah blah yeah, the bachelor is totally fate, even the universe wants them together.
-37,642 chairs for kisses. I'd be OK with that

-Why are they wearing water socks? I get that they are practical but, come on!
-Nothing will push a guy away more than going to him, crying, being needy, and asking for reassurance.... Except for on this show. They reward that behavior on this show. Reason #20,394 that this show teaches good principles.
-Andi- hot bod. hot dress. not so hot dance moves. 
-I'm glad that she held her rose the entire time they were in the club. I wouldn't want anyone to not know that she didn't win the one-on-one time. 

"Is your stuff in here?"
"Did you pay for this room?"
"Is your stuff in here?"
"Did you pay for this room?"

Clare & Nikki are going to regret that second grade conversation for the rest of their lives. Holy immature. Although, it did make me laugh and then made me so glad I am me and not them, so I guess I'm actually grateful for that cat fight. 

These are the only things Juan Pablo ever says:
-We are going to have a great time
-These girls are awesome
-Give me a kiss

Best part of the episode was the exaggerated, silent "cat fight" or death stares between Clare & Nikki at the end of the episode. 

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Juan pablo - episode 6

Who wants join me on a girls trip to New Zealand?
Or maybe I can go there for my honeymoon?

Andi
-FINALLY!!!
-Why does her ombre look so harsh in this episode? It's ombre out?
-Wearing a one-piece bathing suit... now, that's a first!
-I love me some cave crawling. Reminds of the 'Cave of Wonders' we found at Lake Powell where we would shimmy through little crevices and sing "Oh-we-oh...yo-ho.... a pirate's life for me!"
-Did JP's shoulders look extra broad tonight? OK, I'm fine with that
-Smooth move, JP! Unzipping the jacket to reveal the rose? I dig it. So magician-esque of you. 
-Does saying 'dame un beso' make boys automatically kiss you? If so, I might need to try that out. Stay tuned.
-I feel like Andi kept saying that she wanted to have these great conversations with Juan Pablo, but I didn't really see it happen tonight; Andi did a lot of smiling, Juan Pablo did a lot of eyebrow raises/facial expressions, and they did a lot of kissing. 

Group date
-Did she REALLY just compare Ohio to New Zealand? Oh no, she didn't! [Insert snapping your fingers in a Z formation, here]
-I need some O-go rides in my life
-Nikki doesn't look good without make-up
-I loved when Sharleen just plopped right out of the O-go
-Confession: I follow Juan Pablo on Instagram. He LOVES the selfie
-Tonight Sharleen looks prettier than I've ever thought 
-Why does she lick her lip before every kiss? Creepy. 
-I'd say that assuming a girl feels 'scared but good' is always going to be a sure bet. Sharleen shouldn't be giving JP ESP props for that answer. 
-He just dumped "the special one" on her birthday? Woof.
-Cassandra and Juan Pablo didn't have a connection? Shocker. It's so surprising that a relationship with a woman that is 10 years younger than him didn't work out! 
-Does anyone else think it's weird that JP was calling Cassandra "one of the special ones" ??? Um, thanks? 
I don't really know what that means, but it's just weird. Usually if you get called a special one, that's not a good thing. I'm sure Juan Pablo would blame it on a language barrier, either way. 
-I'd never thought I'd say this, but I'm almost sad I've never seen The Hobbit or Lord of the Rings...I think I would have appreciated Hobbitron a little bit more. 

Clare
-As beautiful as the scenery was, why are they picnicking on rocks? That doesn't look comfortable. I mean, the rocks have to be sharp and poking them all over the place! #producerfail
-Wait, I thought Clare and JP did it. How come they are pretending like they just swam in the ocean?
-Also, did anyone notice how long it took them to go from deciding they were going to step back because their actions were inappropriate to being all in in each other's grills? Like .2 seconds flat. 
-BOLT.
-I'm sure every woman in America would love to hear "I just love listening to you" after she rants and raves to her man. 
-Hanging out in sweats on the couch and then random living room dancing are the best kind of dates. Maybe Juan Pablo is MY soul mate. 

Rose Ceremony
-Sharleen's hair is terrible 
-Pink underwear? OVERSHARE! 
-Do you think it's cute or annoying that Juan Pablo has to ask what certain words mean?
-Sharleen threatening to leave the show? I wouldn't be mad if she did. She can Opera sing her way right out of here. 

-Whoever steps in the most poops wins! I'd voluntarily lose. That is disgusting x 100.  

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Juan Pablo- episode 5

I know you all just want to talk about Clare, but we will get to that...promise. 

Renee
-I want every date to begin with a boy pedaling me around in a little cart
-They had tender physical moments with one another that made it seem very sweet
-"she looks good on that dress" JP's ESL teacher would not be proud of the English he kept exhibiting during this date!
-Juan Pablo is such a charmer
-I would be very happy for Renee if her and JP worked out because they really do have a good single parents connection
-KISS HER already!
-"When I get married, I want a girl that looks like Renee" -- my 16 year old brother
-I want those water lanterns. It's like the Chinese love lanterns but for the water! 

Group Date
-Stop making out with Clare! Why is it OK for him to mak all up on Clare but can't kiss Renee, even when he really likes her and gave her a rose? Sounds like an excuse to me. 
-Chelsie- what the h-e- double... are you wearing?
-All he has to say is "trust me" in his little darling accent, smile and these girls just melt. He's going to end up breaking each one of their hearts. 
-Clare is so rude! What are all the other girls doing while she and Juan Pablo take off for like 7 hours and go make out in his jacuzzi?
-The opera singer loves backless dresses. But she should stop.
-"he sees me as a panda in a room full of brown bears" WWHHHATTT? I don't even know what that means or how she came up with that, but I do know that I might start using that as my go-to compliment line. I will now be looking for a boy who sees ME as panda bear as well. Send the exotic, bear-loving men my way, please!
-Juan Pablo just keeps making me think he's a womanizer. He talks about how he won't kiss these girls but it's like make out, after make out, after hot tub sesh, after make out sesh. 
-4am hotel room visit? Ok, Michelle Money 

Nikki
-I'm really not into her hair
-I think it's funny that all these girls are so afraid of these repelling/jumping situations because it's not like ABC would let something happen. I think they probably try it out before to make sure it's safe. 
-"I'm super compassionate and I have a big heart" -- I love self proclaimed compliments/attributes 
-Sick kids are the happiest kids? I think every Mom in America will disagree with that comment. 
-Doesn't sticking your finger in a light socket hurt? Falling in love with JP is painful? I think it was a bad analogy, girlfriend.
-Also, am I the only one who doesn't think she is pretty? Does that make me a bad person? 

Clare vs. Juan Pablo
-I need to take a poll.... 
     Did Juan Pablo and Clare have sex?
I might be naive, but I didn't think they did. But if they didn't, then why is he saying that making out at 4am in the ocean is disrespecting his daughter? I'm all sorts of confused, however, I don't buy any of it. I think Clare wanted to mambo with JP and JP wanted to mambo with Clare. Then, producers were like, um, JP... you keep pulling the 'I have a daughter' card so now we need to figure out a way to make it seem like you regret what you did. AAAAnd enter the 'what we did was wrong' conversation. 
-Juan Pablo knew exactly what was going down during a 4am hotel room visit that started out 99% naked in the ocean. Hello, he does have Latin hips, after all. 


Rose Ceremony
-Boom, JP just goes in for the kiss like woah. Mid sentence and all. You finally got your kiss, Renee. 
-Clare talks like a little mouse
-Clare is not emotionally stable and gets a creepy, giant, cry vein in the middle of her forehead.
-He cried when he sent home 3 girls that we never saw him talk to? What's his reaction going to be when he sends someone home that he actually likes?


OK, I hate this word, but something about JP is just sexy. Like when he does little things, I seriously smile. Yep, sitting on my couch alone, in sweats, I find myself smiling. 
Yep, I shouldn't have typed that, but I did and I'm not hitting backspace. 

I love to hate Juan Pablo, but I really hate to love him so much!