Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Juan Pablo's finale & ATFR

Were you dying last night because I died a few times over. 
It was the most dramatic ending in bachelor history, unlike anything we have ever seen before. Ever. And I'm sure nothing will ever top it (I kid).

I'm still really confused about everything that happened, so sorry if nothing in this blog post makes sense. All I can really say is that the list of people that hate Juan Pablo grew exponentially with each passing minute of the finale and ATFR last night. 

I was so proud of Clare for standing up for herself last night.
"I wish the universe had swallowed me up"- So do we, Juan Pablo. So do we. 

How did he think it was a good idea to tell Clare "I loved 'beeping' you, but I don't know you very well"  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?????

a) classy way to say you had relations, JP. I'm disgusted by you and your vulgar terms.
b) don't talk about sleeping with someone and telling them you don't know them in the same sentence 
c) all Juan Pablo wanted was a good hook up. Period. 
d) how could you even talk to a guy after he said something like that to you? She should have walked away right then and there. I mean, she would have lost her chance at the Neil Lane diamond, but come on! Are you kidding me? 

Clare was trying to get him to tell her that he liked her and he wouldn't. Besitos don't mean love. How did he not see that? She should have left him that night. Do you really want to be in tears because you don't know if your boyfriend loves you on the night before your potential engagement? Dignity people, dignity.

"Is this why you won't give me besitos?" Yes, JP. You finally read a social situation correctly. It was probably the first and I'm sure it will be the last. #languagebarrierexcuses

-Why does he have ankle bracelets on?

JP's family warned both of the girls of some major issues and they didn't seem to mind:
-he runs at the first sight of difficulty
-he has a temper
-he is stubborn
Wow, those three qualities are on the top of my list of must have's in a future husband...NOT. When the boyfriend's family warns you of their own blood's issues like that, you should probably run, girlfriend!

-Did you notice that JP's sister had her hand on his thigh when they were talking? That's weird. 

-Being rude and claiming that you are just being honest doesn't fly. They aren't the same thing. At all. And that explanation is not a language barrier issues--that's a jerk face issue.

-Oh Nikki. Glad you finally got your roots done. Girlfriend had some terrible regrowth. 
She sat on the couch like an abused woman and didn't say a word. It's like JP told her that she wasn't allowed to talk and she sat there in fear. That doesn't exude happiness to me, just sayin. 

-Did Juan Pablo not realize that his entire life was just filmed and put on TV for the whole country to see? Why is he so concerned about privacy. Sorry, buddy... you kinda missed the whole point of the show. And on top of that, you VOLUNTARILY signed up for this. 

-"We are happy" does not mean "We are in love"
...And we thought Brad Womack was an idiot... 

-I think Chris Harrison was about to get off his chair and punch JP in the face during the interview. JP wasn't actually answering any of the questions. He literally just skirted around every issue. He didn't say anything producers (and America) wanted to hear him say, nor has he said anything of substance about the girl that has professed her love for him. Chris Harrison just wanted him to finally open up, let his guard down and share an emotion. (wow, what a novel concept for a love-based reality show, right? I know, Chris Harrison is so demanding, ha) 
However, we all know that isn't possible because JP just don't have emotions. You know why? 
Because "iiiissss okehhhhh"

-Catherine was right... do not slap the hand that fed you! 
I'd be furious if I was ABC. 
He basically kept saying that he was against everything this show stood for. 

-Did you notice that Juan Pablo said he was on the show to find someone, not that he was there to find a wife? The writing was on the wall from the beginning. 

Also, did you know that JP, his daughter, baby mama, and JP's parents all live in the same house???? Yeah, how's that for twisted? That's going to make for an awkward Saturday morning family breakfast. Oh wait, JP & Nikki have no plans for the future, so maybe it won't be a problem after all. 

-I'm just as excited as Chris Harrison to say this season is over. I'd like to say that ABC could never pick a worse bachelor than JP, but I'm sure they will, but until then... we never have to:
-hear iiiissss okehhhhh again
-see him play with the girls faces and move their hair behind their ear
-watch his weird eyebrow movements
-try to follow a love story of a man that has no emotions 
-hear about Camilla (no offense)
-watch a show where we wished we had subtitles the whole time

[I totally called that one]

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Juan Pablo's overnights

ABC did it again... they hyped this episode to be crazy dramatic and although no bachelorette has ever chosen to leave after the overnight dates, there wasn't nearly as much drama as I'd hoped for. 

-he won't even let her talk because he just keeps kissing her
-I swear JP was drunk the whole time, and here's the funny thing... if americans are drunk and horny, they are creeps, but if sexy Latinos are drunk and horny they are considered smooth. I like it.
-I am way into that yacht
-She tries to explain going to the suite but he interrupts her so we don't even know what the same page they are on is
-she says I'm in love with falling in love with you.... sums up this show ... it's all about the idea of falling in love, not actually falling in love (sorry to get all serious on you, there)

-didnt talk. into himself. didn't ask questions. I mean, I could have told you that and I'm not even on the show. It's obvious. I think the Latino charm blinded them all.
-JP doesn't get it. He might not.........ever.
-"Eeees ohkayyyy" "Eeeees ohkayyy"
-cute white shorts
-bad hair still

-Her top fell off in the ocean- did you notice that? 
-She needs to cover up more. I'm thinking an entire body, inner and outer makeover should be in her near future. 
-I'm not a fan

Monday, March 3, 2014

Juan Pablo hometowns

-Didn't get home in time to see her hometown date... I'm assuming it consisted of a lot of terrible, classless outfits and bad roots?

-Juan Pablo is terrible at shooting guns
-His stance was hilarious and I loved that Andi was so much better than him
-Why is Andi's dad's name Hy? Is that short for something?
-Andi's dad gave the most real response ever.... "if your daughter's boyfriend came to you and asked to marry your daughter even though he had 2 other girlfriends, what would you do?" 
I can't believe that in all the seasons of this show, no one has acted like this isn't a normal situation. Who would actually give their daughter's hand to a boy that has multiple girlfriends? Thank you, Hy. I'm kinda into your weird name, and I'm kinda into you as a dad. 

-Every time I see Renee, I just want to brush her hair and maybe give it a good blow dry?
-Her reunion with her son was so sweet. 
-How does she think she is in love with JP? I would think she would be more skeptical and slow on the uptake because she's a single mom.... or not. 

-I admit, I cried when she started talking about her dad and the sweet things he did with her before he died. He sounds like the sweetest guy ever. I mean, I wouldn't share those personal things on national TV, but regardless, it made me like her dad. RIP. 
-Clare has 1 pretty sister and then the other one's could be Buzz's girlfriends. 
-Her sister Laura?!?!? I thought it was Clare's mom until they got into the fight.
-Why doesn't Clare's mom stand up for herself? She just sits in the middle of a fight, literally, and takes it? 
-Why does her mom speak Spanish? Is Clare half Argentinian? If so, why do I feel like she's never talked about that before?
-Do most grown women refer to their Moms as "Momma" or am i missing something? 

The rose ceremony
-Clare isn't any prettier
-I knew he was sending Renee home... called it!
-Why would you tell someone you love them as they are dumping you? That's not going to make them un-dump you.