Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Juan Pablo - episode 2

The first one-on-one: CLARE
-I like her. She seems normal and kind of like the girl next door. 
-That's the kind of winter I like... winter wonderland without the cold. I'd be so much better at winter if the snow in Utah was fake and not so cold
-Busting out the hot tub on episode #2? this is a sign of good things to come
-Why is SHE giving HIM a back massage... shouldn't it be the other way around?
-Thank you for wearing short shorts, Juan Pablo!
-You taste like snow!? Fake snow can NOT taste good! 
-Look at that rose laying against the back of his neck?
-Is he patting her bum to the beat of the music?
-Oh, and now SHE is patting HIM on the bum to the beat of the music. Nothing says romantic like mutual bum pats to the beat at a concert for two. 
-Couldn't they have gotten a more attractive singer for the private concert?

The Electric one-on-one: KAT
-What is Juan Pablo wearing?
-Who doesn't want to go on a surprise date to the SLC? I'm surprised she didn't guess that's where they would be going. Ha!
-Dream date: dancing and getting sweaty with sexy Juan Pablo
-Never been so mad that I wasn't a part of the Electric Run at Thanksgiving Point. I would have thrown some serious 'bows to get to the front of the line and turn that one-on-one into a group date. It's probably for the better though, I would have stolen the show! Life is so unfair.
-Mad props to Kat for being such a good sport and rockin' the neon and dance moves. Girlfriend has got some moves!

Group date- Photo Shoot
-What the blue goatee?
-What is that fro? This make-up? The worst costumes ever.
-I would be SO mad if my "costume" was a cardboard sign? It wasn't a photo shoot for the homeless, people!
-Why is the free spirit walking the dog naked? Poor dog. 
-Kelly looked like a freak all browned and dotted up.
-... "It's for the dogs"  GIVE ME A BREAK!
-Whose comfort zone is a naked photo shoot? No one! Oh wait, maybe the free spirit. It made me feel so uncomfortable. 
-I love dogs, trust me, but I also am not going to get all nudey, nude just so a dog might get adopted. No gracias, Juan. 
-I'd kiss just about anyone on top of that building -- did you see that view?
-Juan Pablo loves the word elegant.  I wonder if he knows what it means.
-"That's what life is about... straddling people" Glad I have now figured out the meaning of life. And that, my friends, is why the Bachelor is so great; this show teaches you life lessons. 
-JP keeps patting all the girls on the head. Being short, I know how obnoxious being patted is. There's nothing that makes me more annoyed than when a boy pats me on the top of my head. I'm not a dog.
-Yes, the "not drunk" girl is so wasted. "hymen" maneuver? Poor girl meant heimlich. But then she actually really meant CPR, because that's what she was doing, not the heimlich. Victoria needs a babysitter and a good detox. And maybe a vocabulary lesson.
-This show is all about rewarding terrible behavior.
-Adios, chica!

The Rose Ceremony
-The opera singer has 2 caterpillars for eyebrows.
-Which NBA player do you think is the baby daddy for 2-year old Trey? His mama (Casaundra) is a former dancer, so just sayin'
-Renee needs to stop being the house mom. I know she is 32 and has a child, but she needs to stop playing the mom role. She is the sweetest, but there needs to be more than soothing crying girls.
-Free Spirit Lucy is going to show up sans clothes at the next ceremony. Mark my words.

Lucy- "I'm not going to go unnoticed"... as she stands topless in the jacuzzi
"The date card said 'say cheese' so I think it means a photo shoot, but it could mean we are eating cheese... I'm good at both, so it could be either one"