Wednesday, July 8, 2015

Bachelorette Kaitlyn: Episode 8

ONE-ON-ONE -- Ben H. 
-Awesome private island
-He called her 'KD' which I read in US Weekly, is what her family calls her
-There are all sorts of nooks and small places in that building and she chose an open space with her jacket over her back? She's not that good at playing hide & seek apparently.  
-Why can't I see the connection between the two of them? I think Ben is amazing and great but I don't see it between the two of them in a long-term setting. Am I wrong?
-He seems like the nicest, most genuine guy
-Does he kind of remind you of Seth Cohen from The O.C. ?
-Are you a virgin? AHHHHHHH. That is just so awkward. Or maybe I am just really immature? Do people ask this question frequently?
-Tell me about the time you lost your virginity? 
     This girl is obsessed with sex. Literally obsessed.  

-Shawn just steals right off the bat
-I think part of the problem (yeah, like there is only a singular problem) with this show is that there always has to be a hard conversation. There is always something deep to be discussed. They can't just have fun and enjoy each other and be normal, because of the pressure the timeline of this show puts on them.
-Nick is so weaseley and ugly and gross. 
-Joe is so awesome but I don't feel like he has a chance. I really hope he doesn't tell her he loves her, because I think it will only make it harder for him. 
-Joe's little monologue about loving her is the cutest, most tender thing I have ever heard. Really, I feel like I kind of started crying a baby bit
     I recently found him on Instagram and he is just Mr. USA
     He races horses and just like loves America. He's just so cute.
-Kaitlyn did not make that break-up definite. She just kept saying she didn't know. 
     Break-ups are always hard but I'm sure it would be a tiny bit easier if she didn't make the guys guess what she was trying to say. I think the break ups should be a little more to the point, like, just get it over with
-Also, why does she always act like the victim? She is breaking up with the guys, and she gets mad/sad when they aren't thrilled she is breaking up with them? She is not the victim. They have every right to be sad, mad or cold when they get dumped--that's what happens when your heart gets broken, oh, and especially on national TV.
-When Kaitlyn told Shawn that she and Nick had sex, I feel like his blood pressure went through the roof and he was about to kill someone in his mind. 
     Kaitlyn doesn't seem remorseful telling Shawn about the situation
     Wow, Shawn just gave the most mature apology speech and I didn't see that coming. I was really hoping for a blow up. May be it will come later. We can only hope (fingers crossed)
-Every time Nick talks I want to throw something at the TV, or press FF
-I can't stop staring at Jared's zits
-Shawn still calls Nick 'the other guy' and it makes me laugh every time
-Give me Kaitlyn's dress, and her hair looks good [I want my extensions back]
-Did you notice how big Kaitlyn's eyes got when Shawn said he needed to talk to her at the rose ceremony? It was like Disney animation
-That is a stab to the heart when Kaitlyn says that telling Shawn he  was the one was a mistake. That's got to hurt. That is a big, big thing to take back. 
     Producers are so good at making major drama seem impending
-Shawn is a ticking time bomb. He is never sure if he can handle what might possibly happen next
-I feel really bad for Jared. He wasn't my favorite, but he did seem like a nice, stand up guy
     She just broke up with him and he offers his jacket, thinking she is cold? That is just class. 

-What is with the two of them going into church?
-I don't have much to say about them because I'm so anti Nick
-From Church to Jail? Bizarre
-Nick is just saying bad things about Shawn because he feels insecure; it's manipulative
-Why does Nick always have a sweaty forehead?
-'The only thing keeping me breathing in this world is knowing that I'm here with you?' COME ONNNNNNN
     I can't say for certain that I'd hate that being said to me in the peak of love, but hearing it from Nick just sounded so pathetic
-And why does he always put his fingers in his mouth? Have you noticed that?

Why does the drama always have to continue?
I am over the to be continued episodes
I am over Kaitlyn
I am pretty over this season

Let's just start Bachelor in Paradise already ... am I right?

Tuesday, July 7, 2015

Bachelorette Kaitlyn: Episode 7

brace yourself for an emotional, dramatic roller coaster event...

-He asks her if she is in love with him and she won't answer and says 'don't put me on the spot'
-Shawn said he doesn't know if he can stay and instead of telling him not to leave, she just said that he needed to figure out if he can do it or not. How supportive. 

-Kaitlyn feels guilty because what she did was wrong. That's what happens when you do something bad, rude or mean. You should. 

JJ vs. JOE
-Joe is so funny and seems so cool
-JJ is not funny and not cool
-That boat looks sketchy
-She is holding Joe's hand and then jJ is walking behind. That's so awkward. 
-Also awkward, JJ announcing his love for Kaitlyn in front of Joe. I think he was just trying to intimidate Joe, but that Kentucky man isn't going to stand for it!
-Is Joe just melting your heart right now? 
    He's falling in love? Isn't this their first time alone? The man is aggressive. 
-Although I think JJ is terrible for cheating on his wife, I do appreciate that he was honest and up front about it. 
     It surprises me that he was humble and honest enough to admit that. The person that I pegged him to be wouldn't have just told her that. 
-JJ just aired out his dirty laundry on national TV, only to be sent home 2 minutes later. Bad timing

-Every time Shawn hears another guy talk about his one-on-one time with Kaitlyn, he just leaves. 
    I get why, but at the same time, he needs to realize that there is a process to the show that he is on. He's probably right-- it would have been better for him not to know how she was feeling. That's probably why there are rules on this show like they can't say I love you back or anything like that. Being honest brings out the crazy, apparently. 
-Kaitlyn is the martyr now? 
     Yes, I agree that it would have been better for Shawn personally if she wouldn't have told him he was the one, but he also needs so much reassurance that if she wouldn't have told him anything in the beginning, he probably would have left. It might be a lose lose. Shawn might just not be right for this process.

-Every rose ceremony, Kaitlyn talks about how hard of a week she had. She always says how emotional it was, how hard, how tough. 
    If I were one of the guys, I would be sick of hearing how hard each week is. I'd want to hear how fun the week was or how relationships were moving forward. No more dooms day. Let's get the sex talk out of the way and maybe each week can stop being so emotional. 

-These guys are getting sad and jealous about thinking she has off camera one-on-one time with other guys ... they are going to FREAK when they find out what she did with Nick. 
-Kaitlyn is afraid of Nick telling the guys they were intimate,  but shouldn't be afraid of them knowing in general? I feel like she would almost try to keep it quiet, if this wasn't on national TV.

-OK, let's get on with the rose ceremony and the spilling of secrets

-That Irish promise ring does NOT look manly on Nick's hand
     I can't stop stafring
-Shawn might need to be checked into the insane asylum 
     He got in his own head and started creating drama for himself. 
-Kaitlyn is just pumping the breaks on Shawn

-I am so over all these tear-filled chats. Can we please just go on realistic, romantic dates in Bali, please?

-I didn't think Ben Z. was going to go home this early. Luckily, I don't think he will have a problem finding dates from here on out
-Tanner said funny things sometimes, but I don't think him leaving is that big of a loss

-It's the week before hometowns? That went fast and I can't say I'm sad about it. 
-Their bus is called the paddy wagon? HAHAHA
-Shawn sleeps with his head back and mouth open? Me too. Shawn (husband) likes to take pictures of me in this position on this airplane and blackmail me with them
-Kaitlyn is being kind of annoying on her road trip with Jared
-Kaitlyn says it's not a legit road trip unless you end with a cocktail? I usually say it's not a road trip unless you have a bag of homemade chocolate chip cookies. Same thing, right?

-It's all fun and games until Chris Harrison shows up at your hotel room...
-All the men will have off camera time before she meets the family
    Makes sense for Kaitlyn because she has been saying how important the physical connection is
    "Getting to know these guys on a deeper level before meeting families makes sense to me" Translation: Having sex with these guys needs to happen before I meet their families
-Are those goats dyed pink?

-Chris is very pretty 
-He just kissed her on the forehead -- that's so tender
-This is seriously beautiful scenery
-Chris is Ken Barbie doll. He is just so angled and clean
-Kaitlyn asks Chris what their life would look like together and he responds by telling her he likes Nashville and loves the scenery of Ireland. 
-Warning to all men: Don't ask a girl how she is doing unless you want her to star bawling
-Look how close Chris' face is to hers as she is crying. He is so close and into her space
-I feel bad for Chris
     Being left on the top of an Irish mountain top after a break up would be really hard
-Is the producer standing that close to Chris on the cliff because it looks like he is about to jump?

Thursday, June 25, 2015

Bachelorette Kaitlyn: Episode 6

Another to be continued, continues...

-Ian is rude
     must have gotten a degree in rude from Princeton 
     there is a difference between honesty and being rude, and he's just being rude at this point.
     He thinks he is all classy and awesome because he went to Princeton (are you getting sick of hearing 'Princeton' because I was too) but in reality, he looks classless 
-Ian, then just leave
-I am glad that Kaitlyn is defending herself a little bit
-"I went to Princeton. That's what I have to offer. I'm not lame like the other guys"
     "They don't teach movie quotes at Princeton"
     They must not teach how to keep your dignity on national TV either
     Princeton might take his degree away, now that he has defamed their name
-How many times has Ian said "deep"? More or less than he has said "Princeton"? 
-Ian needs to have some sex but he is sick of talking about it? He's too deep to talk about sex but not too deep to want to have it. OK. 
-I don't think too many girls would be 'coming out of the wood work' to date Ian after his self-promoting rampage "I'd be the best bachelor"
     He would be the best bachelor if our goal was to poke our eyes out after each episode. Then yes, he would be killer.
-Nick is manipulative
     He is totally being there for Kaitlyn while she is angry & hurt. He is telling her all these things he loves about her and is comforting her. This is a genius move on his part. However, may be not a genuine move.

-What is cupcake's magenta/maroon suit? 
-Can Idaho Welder please fix his hair? I'm sure he can find another set of buzzers to even the hair out
-Could her dress be any lower in the back? Made me nervous
-I think Joshua had the best of intentions but just kept continually shooting himself in the foot. 
     I feel bad for him. I think he really is a good guy. Not a match for her, but a good guy nonetheless. 
     Who else can rock that crazy Kaitlyn "cut"? Has she ever cut hair before?

Onto Dublin...
-"Kaitlyn is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow" - Cupcake
-She needs a wardrobe stylist
-And so does Nick. What is that jacket?

-"I wore a holey sweater for you, so you could touch my back"
     Class, class, class
-Again, the fear of birds is so confusing, considering she has two bird tattoos
     Does she not think it's ironic and a wee bit embarrassing?
-Nick looks like an idiot dancing
-They need to stop making out. It's annoying
-I am really glad they are going to have dinner in a church, right before they go get down in her hotel room. I mean, I am pretty sure that's what is about to happen. How ironic. 
-This love fest in the church is making me feel so uncomfortable. 
-Did you think it was weird that she kept saying Nick made her feel like a woman? 
-I have gotten nothing out of this date except that they are horny
-oh. my. awkward. Fast forward please
     How is this allowed on TV?
-They drank a lot of whiskey. IT was intimate. 

-Holy hot Shawn
-"Worst dead person ever" Haha 
     Chris Harrison is funny. I wish he made an appearance more often
-Tanner, that was a funny poem
-Chris was disgusted that Jared kissed a dead person? He's weird
    why is he singing? Please stop
-Ben H. had a weird speech
-Shawn -- I am DYING. I seriously laughed so hard and even started clapping my hands. 
     "I'm sorry to hear you took your own life, but I would have too, if I hade to spend all day with Nick" 
    That is HILARIOUS. 
-This is a pretty weird date idea. It's like Kaitlyn just wanted to hear the guys say a bunch of nice things about her
-Have you noticed that when she is saying something sincere, she never looks them in the eyes? She always looks down
    Conversation with Ben Z. = Case in point
-I love that Jared just called her laugh obnoxious and she didn't get offended. That's just funny
-She says she is so happy when these boys tell her they are falling in love with her or when they open up to her, but she just had sex with Nick?
     That is so hard for me to grasp 
     Wouldn't you feel bad having a guy saying he was falling in love with you, knowing you just slept with someone else the night before?
     Seems a bit sick and twisted to me
-I would love to see Shawn go all hot personal trainer rogue on Nick
-Why would you give the rose to Jared over Shawn? 
    Shawn is so much hotter. Come on!
-I totally get where Shawn is coming from. You know what the possibilities of this show are when you go on, but at the same time, when the bachelorette is telling you that you are the one, it's hard to see other people get the rose, and to know that you are being physical with others. May be Kaitlyn should just stop saying comments like that. 

-The Cranberries? They couldn't get someone with a little more star power?

-Shawn and Kaitlyn stayed up laying on his bed chatting for 6 hours and she told him he is the one and he's the one at the end?
    I would be super mad too. 
    He is 100% validated in my opinion.
    You know that the bachelorette goes on other dates while you are dating, but that's it. you don't sign up for intimate nights with multiple people. Not cool, Kaitlyn.  

-Why can't ABC just put an entire episode in a night? Has there been a single episode where they put all the material into the two hour show? 

Bachelorette Kaitlyn: Episode 5

(Sorry this is a week late--we were at the lake)

-a cool chick vs. an amazing woman = good point, Idaho
-I don't ever remember seeing Tanner, but I think I like him 
-Nick vs. the 12 guys
     awkward how they were all sitting on the opposite side from him
-Shawn does sound like Matthew McConahey in the Lincoln car commercials
-Citi Field --- I didn't know what that was, but I'm sure all the dudes that watch with their wives love it
-Nick coming into the season was the best thing to happen to JJ. He's no longer the villain

-JJ is wearing high water pants. I get that he's trying to show off his socks, but it just looks awkward. 
-Who is Corey? I feel like I've never seen him
-Thank you, Shawn! It's about time that someone calls her on the carpet. That was a real, real conversation
     If you have a strong connection with someone, you don't invite another guy on the show. Her actions are not matching up with her words. He nailed it on the head. 100% 
-The boys are freezing through this rose ceremony. It looks miserable
-Nick's hair is so gross
-I didn't remember the names of the 3 guys she sent home, so I feel fine about it. 

-Two stepping might actually be a fun date
-This makes me want to be from Texas
-The grandma was creepy
-Ben is very handsome
-This dinner is the cutest set up I've ever seen. I'm loving these lights
-Ben seems great but I don't see him being the last one standing

-that's a mini dress
-The Idaho welder has become quite vocal and out spoken
-"Kaitlyn will you marriachy me?" 
     I was dying. Kentucky Joe is such a winner
     That's the funniest thing ever
-They do look hilarious but why am I kinda into it?
-Justin is gross but he did actually have a good voice
-JJ is annoying 
-Ian is too serious and has a terrible voice. Not a match
-Did you hear one of the guys say 'should we boo?' ... I wish they would have
-Nick is awful. Like his voice is killing me 
-Josh might snap. Nick is right
     Josh seems to wine a lot. He complained about JJ & Clint last time, too
-Cheers to tight pants
-Who gets a haircut in the dark? So dumb, but I can't stop laughing at his hair. I didn't really take him seriously before, but now I definitely can't
-What is 'guy intuition' Josh?
    Josh has got to get over this. He is dragging this on way too far and making this awkward for all of the other guys. 
-This is terrible. Josh just got called out in front of all the guys
-However, does Kaitlyn think that the guys are going to tell her its 100% OK or that it's 100% not OK? 
     How is she expecting everyone to always want to talk about it? 
-Kaitlyn wants this drama to be over but doesn't she just keep bringing it up?
-The only reason Kaitlyn just gave Nick the rose was to shove it in their face. 

-It's funny that he calls Nick 'the other guy' and won't refer to his by name
-Finally, a normal fun date that isn't a performance or a competition
-"I'm falling in love with you" on the first date!? Is he from Provo? 
     How did that just happen? I'm dying.
-And then the "I'm feeling the same way" reciprocation? Wowzaaa
-I like Shawn, but I feel like he's too good for her, true?

-Ian is hilarious, not in a comical way, but in a 'did you really just say that' kind of way
    Getting women has never been an issue before. He's never flown under the radar. He's a model, a Princeton grad, an someone who defied death. How would she not want him?
     If he was the Bachelor, this would be working? If she's not interested in me, than it's her fault. This is amazing. 
-Are you hearing these quotes from Ian? These are hilarious. 
    "I have a lot of sex in my own life"

Oh weird, the show ends in the middle of an episode again. Shocker.

Tuesday, June 9, 2015

Bachelorette Kaitlyn: Episode 4

"people are very very very jealous"
"we are very very very close"
"we are really really really good friends"
--he must like the new Carly Rae Jeppson song,  "I really really really really really like you"

-Clint is a gooooooood liar
-JJ is the worst "friend" ever
-and Clint and JJ just broke up. Their break up was more dramatic than any break up in the history of Bachelor or Bachelorette history. 

-Why is JJ bawling his eyes out? Oh Gosh. 
    He just punched himself in the face? Seriously, who does that?

Now that we are through with that drama, can we please get on with this episode?

-Justin has the worst hair I've ever seen in my life
    His hair would look great in 1994
-Doug E. Fresh? I would have been more impressed with Jay-Z
-I too love to rap, and beat box
-Shawn loves county music... I knew I liked him!
-Kaitlyn loves to make a joke or try to be funny and then she just busts up laughing at herself. It's kind of awkward to watch
-JJ listened to Broadway show tunes? Maybe he should have left with Clint – I think  they may have a better shot at “happily ever after” than he and “Rapper Kaitlyn”
Ben Z. vs Tanner
     -even with steroids you won't look like me
Jonathan vs. Ryan
     -she's bored of you go back to Florida
JJ vs Corey
     -where is your boyfriend Clint?
Shawn vs Justin
     -Yes, your body Shawn is a no brainer
     -Ryan Gosling/Matt Damon? Yeah, Matt Damon is WAY hotter than Justin. You can't compare yourself to someone way hotter than you
The return of creepy Nick!!!
     -I don't remember much about him except that I really didn't like him at all. And why does Kaitlyn this he's cute?
-Every week there IS something, she's right, but she needs to start taking SOME responsibility for all this drama.
-Good point, Shawn
    If you are truly confident in what you had in front of you, you wouldn't consider bringing Nick into the season. It would totally make you feel doubt
-She kissed Nick!? Come on, Kaitlyn. So not OK!
-That's pretty rude that she just left the group date to go see Nick
     These boys totally got gypped out of a date
-How did Justin just get a rose?
-How does she think that any of the guys are going to be OK with her bringing in another guy, 4 weeks into the season? Why didn't Nick apply for the season, or show up earlier? It's pretty rude and dramatic to do it 4 weeks in

-I like Kaitlyn less and less with each episode
-Ashley knows how to have a real conversation? And can give good advice? Ashley S. for the win! 
     What she feels towards Nick is complete & total lust. 
-She sucks
     Don't bring Nick on this season. It's so rude. And yes, it's selfish. 
     I hate when people blame things on "following their heart" -- it just seems like such an excuse to me

-I am so glad that Jared's hair doesn't look creepy for this date. 
-You can see it on Kaitlyn's face that she isn't even paying attention to him. 
-How nice of Kaitlyn to ask his opinion about Nick, right? I mean, she already made up her decision, so why not just stop talking about it?
-What a political answer, Jared
-I know I have made fun of Jared a lot, but I think I liked him on this date. He looked better with his hair combed, didn't look terrible in a tuxedo, and seemed a little funny. 
-The return of the helicopter to the Bachelor franchise
     Last season was so low budget that I swear it was the only season without a helicopter....and I missed it. I welcome back the helicopter dates with open arms.

-Another performing date? 
-Ian has many talents and singing is one of them. Thanks for letting us know!
-Kentucky was hilarious. 
-Cupcake Chris seems like a Disney prince actually. The more he got into it, the more I believed it. 
-It was hilarious that the Welder said if he acted like Cupcake did, he would get beat up when he went home. 
-These group dates don't give any one-on-one time with the guys and Kaitlyn
     They either learn something, try out, or perform, and then whoever loses goes home. Seems like a pretty pathetic group date that doesn't give the guys much time for her to get to know them. 
-That was THE MOST pathetic involvement in the play. They literally just stood on stage for like 10 seconds, maybe.  10 might be too liberal. 
     Why did they have dancing and singing tryouts? They should have held try outs to stand in place for 10 seconds and see who looked best with their shirt off. Show off them abs, boys! 
-Chris seems too pretty boy for her. Too clean cut. Too logical.

-Did anyone hear Kentucky say, "I did 7 minutes of cardio today, so I'm good to go" in regards to beating Nick up? HAHA. I couldn't stop laughing. I think I really like Kentucky. 

I will have more to say about Nick starting next week. Just you wait...

Britt and Brady are dating because of publicity. Hello! They would both be irrelevant if they hadn't started dating. 

Of course this episode ends mid-drama. Apparently we can't go one week that has an entire episode. Give me the rose ceremony!
Also, why do I feel so over this season already? Anyone else with me on that?

Thursday, June 4, 2015

Bachelorette Kaitlyn: Episode 3

-"I'm upset right now, you should know that"
     Oh, I had no idea. Thanks for clarifying, Kupah. Your behavior was so mysterious, not!
     Maybe ABC shouldn't let Kupah have a cup of alcohol as he exits. Clearly, homeboy does NOT need it

-Jared & the healer have winner black eyes. So cute
-"Stepping away from my dog and my bonsai trees...." so many sacrifices that the healer is making
     If Kaitlyn knew that he had bonsai trees to be attending to back at home, I'm sure she would send him home with the single dads. Bot have important 'people' to be attending to.
-"How is it this hard already"? 
     Yikes--that's a lot of tears round rose ceremony round 2.

-Those are some very big boys on little bikes
-Justin is really not cute
-Yama looks like a girl.... a 600 lbs girl
-"Man thong diapers" are not hot. What's wrong with you, Kaitlyn?
-Seeing all of these bare bums would make me feel so uncomfortable
-Yama is HUGE and should be wearing a lot more clothing
     It's pretty funny/gross that in Sumo you want to be as big as possible but you wear as little as possible. Who knew the ancient Japanese were so humorous?
-"A power of man meat running into each other"
     Only funny thing Jonathan has ever said
-It's hilarious that any of these boys think they can take on a 600 pounder
     It's like running into a brick wall. 
     Did you notice that Yama didn't even move?
-Tony is going to go nuts right now
     "I would be terrified if I was the other guy right now" -- Does he realize the 'other guy' is a 600 pound world champion? I'm all for a positive attitude, but come oooonnnnn
-The healer is so mad that he has to show aggression and wants to do something peaceful
     He has the heart of a warrior and sees life through the eyes of a child
     "Let's take a boat ride or go sky diving. There are other ways to connect than through violence."
     He would be an awesome beauty pageant contest because all he really, truly wants is world peace! 
     I wish I could just write every. single. thing. that Tony has said. Like just a running list of quotes. These are all so good! 
-An exhibition? Thanks (?) to these outfits, these boys are going to be exhibiting a lot more than their recently acquired sumo skills.
-Have they explained the hemp necklaces all the boys are wearing? 
     Hemp necklaces circa 1990 are not helping their looks at all
-Just let Tony go to the Zoo! He just wants to make animal noises.
    If Tony really goes home, I am going to miss his commentary.                 
    Tony has so many emotions. 
    Do you all remember the crazy girl from last season who would talk to herself? Ashley S? Well, can you imagine Ashley S. and Tony as a couple? How great would that be!?
-Wow, Clint is going to turn the tables--Wait for Kaitlyn to come talk to him? Talk about cocky. That's not exactly how this all goes. We will see how this plays out. And by see how this plays out, I mean we all know this isn't going to end well.
-Give Shawn more screen time
    Yes! Give him the rose!
-Kaitlyn just goes ahead and calls Clint out, just like that!
     She loves calling people out
-Clint just called JJ a sweetheart? Who does that? I didn't think boys called other boys--men, whatever-- sweethearts?
-RIP Tony, with an emphasis on the "P"

-"Ben Z. is a babe soda."
     I don't know what that means, but I think that's funny and I am kinda sad I didn't come up with it first. 
-I would not want to go on this date
-Kaitlyn is afraid of birds? Does she know she has TWO tattooed on her arms? 
     That seems ironic. 
     And it's a pigeon. hahahaha
-I'd be so mad at Chris Harrison for making me go on a date that just ended in tears and fears. 
     What is this date? Horror. I'm hating watching this, let along to be in it. I am seriously hating watching this. 
     I feel bad that Ben is having to be so brave. I'm sure he doesn't want to-- let's be real.
-The code was ROSES!?!? Why didn't they just guess that right off the bat? That would have been the easiest thing to guess. 
     Dead giveaway. Couldn't the producers have come up with something a little more creative than roses?
     Also, there is no way they truly finished the code with 4 seconds to go, right? That was so so staged. Welcome to reality shows. 
-Ben hasn't cried in 11 years? Who goes 11 years without crying? I don't go 11 days without crying 
    Well, Grey's Anatomy ended 2 weeks ago, so I guess it has been like 14 days. Don't judge. 
-Yeah, Ben Z. is hot

-I learned everything I know about puberty from watching our cows -- the welder. HILARIOUS
-I do not want to watch this date. This is so inappropriate. 
-I would be so mad if my kids were in this class
     Did their parents sign permission slips?
-Kaitlyn is just cackling. Just loving this
-I am still feeling so weird
-Ben H. did a really good job as awkward as this all was
     And he moves into the top 5
     I still don't understand the appeal of him. Nothing about him is appealing to me. Am I missing something? He seems a bit nice but he's not cute at all and has swirly chest hair! Someone people help me understand!
     I feel like he might be the one that she has sex with

-At first I was thinking this was all editing, but this really looks real
-Showering together? Popping one another's zits? That's real love
    But really, because I love popping zits. Yeah, TMI. I know. 
-"I never thought about the possibility of falling in love with a man, but I believe in this process, and I'm a success story"
     My mouth is on the floor
     My eyes are wiiiide open
     I am dying. Seriously.
-You can't make this stuff up
-Clint wants a rose so he can have more time with.... JJ? OK, sounds about right
-He is such a lair! So many of these boys are big fat liars. 
    No, Kaitlyn-- do not believe him. He's not genuine at all
    He is a PIG. A PIG. He isn't interested in Kaitlyn but he's totally playing her so he can stay in the house and let his bromance  flourish. 
-"Villians gotta Vill" -- although I'm not into JJ or Clint, this is a hilarious phrase that I may or may not have (ok, I did) used on my husband last night. 
     Try's funny

Another to be continued!?

enough IS enough

Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Bachelorette Kaitlyn: Episode 2

-the healer's vest is AMAZING. So much American pride
-Britt sure wears a lot of neon teen bracelets
-Brady talks like he is high

-"Laila Ali is a big deal if you know anything about anything." 
Well, guess I know nothing about everything because I've never heard of her.  
-"I forgot Kupah was on this date" -- Kaitlyn
     Not a good sign, my friend
-Who is going to win?
     Yeah, my money is NOT on the fashion designer; he seems frail
-"My idea of going to the gym is sitting in the steam room for 30 minutes" 
     I'm with you!
-Jared has creepy chest hair
     Jared is shockingly good. Ben Z is HUGE-those arms!- and has him by 50 lbs, so I am nervous that this isn't going to end well. But then again, Jared is the super hero, 'Love Man' and probably has special super hero strength, so he might be great after all 
-How do they think no one is going to get hurt when they do these types of dates? 
     They did a boxing date a few seasons back and someone got hurt on that season, too.  It's always going to be a bad idea when you have adrenalin-filled men, boxing to win the attention of a girl. 
-Ben Z. .... I like you
-Arellious? What the is that name?
     Justin, you are terrible for giving your son that name
-Jared looks like someone who would be on American Ninja Warrior
-Clint for the first one-on-one date? Shocked me
-JJ ... You are annoying and overly confident. I have a feeling he's going to be a trouble maker
-Ben Z. seems like such a man. A huge man. Congrats on the rose!

-It makes me feel weird that the girl has to drive, plus the guy always looks so uncomfortable
     Maybe I am a princess, but my Shawn always drives. Always.
-He looks like a Disney prince in character form
-Underwater photoshoots are all the rage? What rage?
     I guess I wasn't that cool because Shawn and I did our photo shoot on land
     If we could just go back in time, that's the one thing I would change about our wedding. Underwater photoshoot for sure. 
-The healer has so many wise words. Love is about.... Love is about...
-Oh, I am a total nose plugger. Always plugging. And here is the proof. Not as cute as it was in my head. It also makes me look like I am doing gang signs, but really I'm just plugging away!

-An underwater photo shoot is so weird and I think I would love doing it. May be not for engagements, but it would be hilarious. 
-Let's also talk about how an underwater kiss seems like it would be really romantic, but if it's more than just a peck, you have to open your mouth, which means water will go in, making it so you have to spit the water back out when you come up... get where I'm going with this? Or you have to breathe out which sometimes makes air bubble and other things come out of your nose. I mean, I'm willing to test it out this weekend and report back, but I see a lot of room for error. 
-Clint seems pretty quiet. Kaitlyn keeps doing all the talking.
     "I really like you" - K
     "Me too" - C
     "This has been a fun date" - K
     "I agree" - C
     SO DEEP. 
-Clint is a hunk of man? Isn't that exactly what she said about Ben Z? Girl needs some more description words.

-OK, I really don't know anything because I don't know who this comedian is. I'm 0 for 2 on knowing the celeb appearances this episode. 
     Street cred is now little to none. 
-JJ is great but he's missing humility, charisma and a sense of humor ... NAILED IT!
-Old Spice -- pretty good one liner
-Welder -- not that funny, maybe because I didn't super get it
-Dentist -- if it's not going well, unbutton your shirt -- OK!
-The healer -- the speech was hilarious
    Every time he talks I feel like I'm at the therapist or that I need a therapist. Probably both.
    "I will open myself fully to Kaitlyn but still maintain and open mind to the signs that Universe sends me" -- How can you not love him?
    Everything he says makes me laugh, yet leaves me so confused at the same time. And how about that time he referred to her as Britt and was corrected? oops.
-Kaitlyn is just a make out queen
-Kentucky Joe-- I'm into your accent

-JJ is annoying
     This isn't church camp...good one, you're so funny...NOT!
     Go back home to your parent's
-Ian seems very genuine and real
     I would put him in my top 5
-Kupah says he hates the boxing? Lies!
     He just made that up because she called him out for not talking to her. He was 100% into boxing and was loving his private lesson time with the pros. And his babbling makes him sound like an idiot.
     Kaitlyn just brought down the hammer. Boom. She ain't messing around.
     He is a train wreck. Is he drunk? 

-Where was Shawn/Ryan Gosling this episode? He didn't get any screen time and I'd like to file a complaint!

To be continued? Again?
Lame. That's twice now this season and there have only been two episodes! 

Brady just asked Britt to be his girl? Isn't that so middle school?
Is anyone buying this? If so, then let's ditch the Bachelor/Bachelorette series and just give 'em one shot at love...take it or leave it. Britt took it! 
They both seem pretty desperate, and according to the Instagram, they have been posting pictures with one another, which means they have been dating since the season was shot three months ago. True love for sure, right? HAHAHAHA.

Thursday, May 21, 2015

Bachelorette vs. Bachelorette

one sheds tears
one sheds clothes

one talks dirty
one talks like a Disney princess

one has personality (although tacky & classless at times)
one has the personality of uh, a nail

What are your thoughts on having two bachelorettes? 
How does this work?
Who do you want to win? 
Personally, I think Britt is prettier and has a killer smile, but Kaitlyn has a thousand times better personality and seems real. As far as providing a better viewing season for us bachelor fans of bachelor nation, (well, probably anyone would provide a more exciting season than Prince Farmer...boreseville, right?), but if I must choose, I'd say Kaitlyn would be the better pick.
[just speaking from my professional opinion]


-Why do the two girls have matching hair?
-Britt seems overly confident
-I give an A+ to each of them for their dresses

-Detroit dad Jonathan: "automotive spokesperson" 
     I think he meant to say he's a car's salesman, but I guess 'automotive spokesperson' sounds fancier, so I'd go with that too

-Joe: Chris Soules part 2

-Josh: male stripper? I seriously thought that was not a real thing and by that I mean that I didn't know male strippers actually existed...and HOLY TATTOOS. 
     Lawyer slash stripper will look real nice on his business cards once he passes the bar

-Brady: emotional artist. He's on this show to become a famous singer, let's be real

-Joshua: Chris Soules part 3

-Ian: car accident survivor. Not terrible looking at all

-Jared: Super hero 'Love Man' 
     Creepy hair. And don't be a 5-year-old and make up super heroes

-Tony: 'Healer' YES. Yes and yes. 
     'Spiritual gangster' (that is what his poster said). I too, consider myself to be a spiritual gangster of sorts.
     And did he just kiss his plants? This guy is reality TV    entertainment gold!
     I vote for him just based soley on his level of crazy. 

-Ben: personal trainer who seems normal

**side note** Do you have to have at least 25% covered in tattoos to be eligible for this season?

Let's talk about how awkward it would be to stand 10 feet away from the other woman! You see their connection with someone else, you hear their conversation... I don't even know what to make of it. 
And the guys? Who do they go to first? Did it mean they liked that girl first or was it just a quick decision to avoid more awkwardness? I just really don't know what to say about this whole situation. 

-Ben: OK
-Jonathan: loved Britt
-Clint: looks like a mix of an uglier Hulk & Greenbay packer player, Clay Matthews
-Ryan: hot
-Jared: you shouldn't have unbuttoned your shirt
-Kupah: I love weird names but I don't think I would put this one on my baby names list
-Ian: I love that he just wants Kaitlyn and isn't going to mess around
-JJ: What's a former investment banker? Is that code for "unemployed"? Shawn says it means he is retired and wealthy.
     And, the puck joke was funny
     I'd puck you... and you pucked me bad. Just comical.
     Let's call it like it is: If JJ would have made this joke to Britt, I don't think she would have gotten it. Kaitlyn is just witty.
-Ryan: Junk yard specialist? No comprendo. 
-Bradley: Nice headband
-Daniel: Fashion developer has moves
-Josh the stripper: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA he cannot possibly be serious
     "You can have him, Britt" - Kaitlyn

Survey says: Cool or not cool that Kaitlyn left really quick to go give the first set of boys a shout out in the mansion? Britt obviously did not appreciate it and threw some jabs, but I think it was just because she didn't think of it. There are no rules on the Bachelorette, Chris Harrison says so, so in my opinion, all is fair-- Fair with a touch of awkward. 

-Joe from Kentucky: brought whiskey? Yeah, Kaitlyn will be into that
-Justin: helium voice who has giant lips
-Shawn: group hug. smart move. makes it less awkward. 
     An ugly Ryan Gosling
     I vote for him because he has the same name as my husband AND spells it the same way
     Kaitlyn loved him right off the bat and it was pretty awkward that Britt did too, but Shawn said he was there for Kaitlyn
-David: don't remember 
-Tanner: not memorable enough
-Corey: beach volleyball player 
-Tony: he and Britt are the best couple ever. 
     "The Universe will provide ... I believe in love, the real love"
     Did he just use the same pick up line on each of the girls? They are standing like 10 feet away from one another. 
     a) awkward and b) creepy
-Shawn: "Amatuer sex coach" driving a hot tub car. A "carpool" haha.   Get it? Where can I get one... A carpool, not a sex coach? Awkward.
     And for those of you who are newer readers, sometimes I say rude things, so here it goes: This amateur sex coach is ugly. 
-Chris: the dentist in a cupcake. Correction, HOT dentist in a cupcake. I'd take a bite out of that cupcake for sure!
-Joshua: welder from Idaho
-Ben Z: save the most normal for last

Ryan: Peace out
The junk yard specialist who belongs in the junk yard.
I thought you were cute but you were an annoying drunk. 
Do most men wear little underwear like Ryan was? I mean, most guys probably aren't expecting to strip down and jump [read: stumble and fall] into a pool on national TV but ...
I appreciated all the guys who were calling him out for being annoying and disrespectful. 
In your own words, Ryan, "YOU SUCK"

I think I like Kaitlyn because her laugh is so loud, ridiculous and obnoxious and that's how I feel about my laugh, so it kind of makes me feel validated weirdly enough. I know I keep calling her trashy and then just compared myself to her, but, tevs. 

"It's like looking into a mirror" -- Kaitlyn (When looking at the picture Shawn's nephew drew for her)
     OK. I was laughing so hard. That's a funny response to looking at an awkward picture drawn by a little kid. A response from someone with personality. 
Britt would have said "AW, that is so sweet. It's a beautiful picture and I'll treasure this gorgeous artwork from such a young talent, forever!"

... to be continued....
[You should have seen that coming. ABC isn't going to give you all the goods on the first night if they can drag it out and make you watch again, increasing ratings]


-Britt's not crying? She must not have tears left over from last season
-"I didn't see that coming at all"  
    Like I said, over confident
....I take it back, she has tears left

-Classy response from Kaitlyn asking if Britt is OK when Chris Harrison revealed the news
     She might be a bit trashy, but she might be a bit classy

-"I just found out I am the bachelorette and now I'm trying not to throw up" 
     Not cry, but throw up? Hilarious reaction.

The Dentist-- I wouldn't be mad if you kissed me either (I mean, if I was single and the bachelorette, obviously)

Shawn-- She feels about her Shawn like I feel about mine
     [insert: awww, that's so tender]

-Kaitlyn seems like a sexual creature. I have a feeling she is going to make out with anyone and everyone. Drama mama coming this season


-The Healer moves forward. Hallelujah. He is going to make for some good TV.
     Also, does he have a black eye? He must have gotten into it with one of his plants.
     He should wash his hair and go find Britt. They seem like the same person in a universe/energy/ora/healing/organic food sense

-Brady-- he knows he isn't going to get a rose so he preempts Kaitlyn and tries to go out with dignity... watch and see
     Called it!
     Why does he talk weird? 

-The stripper doesn't want to go home because it's a blow to his ego? I thought this was about finding love. GO HOME, or back to the club. 


-Are we going to see Britt open the door for Brady? Don't tease us so much, ABC!

-Kaitlyn is WILD. Just admitting to the doing the sex word with one of the guys? Usually everyone on this show just tries to pretend like that doesn't ever happen

OK, we go. Looks like we have a season of wild times ahead of us