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Thursday, January 29, 2015

The bachelor: episode #4

CAMPING GROUP DATE
--The date was supposed to be natural, and then somehow they all started taking their clothes off. 
     OK, classy city.
     I am so confused as to why everyone is stripping. Isn't that awkward for all parties involved? The bachelorettes don't want to see the other girls naked... they already have crossfit & her black censor box to deal with back at the mansion. I'm sure they wanted a nudity break!
--"This date is made for bimbos" - The widow
     THANK YOU! This whole episode slash season is made for bimbos. (I will finish my rant later at the end of this post)
--If the bachelor is supposed to be like real life (it's not, but pretend it is), then why are they going to a ghetto lake where bees sting you in the bum? 
    Chris wouldn't actually go camping at a mucky lake-- he would go somewhere nice. So even though the widow sounded like a brat saying how gross the lake was and everything, I totally see her side. Plus, I think that girls like Kaitlyn were overplaying that they liked the date and I don't want fakeness on that end of the spectrum either. 
--Ashley S. is from a different planet. Her craziness wasn't even funny anymore
--Kaitlyn is manly and just loves to get drunk. She's weekend fun material, not take me back to mama on the farm material
--Karadashian is sucking Chris' face hard
--I'm not really into any of the campers
--Most REAL moment of the show:
girl tells boy something 'important'
boy 'listens'
girl thinks boy understands what she was saying, even though she skirts around the issue 
boy pretends he knows & understands
girl asks boy later regarding their discussion
boy admits he hasn't a clue
REAL LIFE, PEOPLE
     Girls try to share 'important' information through clues and boys will never pick up on it. 
--If I never hear the word 'virgin' again, I'll be happy
   Any guesses on the number of times it was said in the episode?
   Over or under 41? 

Chris' sisters:
--Two of the three were really cute
     I bet they don't go camping to muddy lakes
--Nothing like meeting a potential sister in law, sans clothes and make up! 

CINDERELLA
--I'm not a huge fan of product placement
     I know this is mean, but do you think the new Cinderella actress has the most caterpillar-esque eyebrows?
--Chris waltzing around solo was the most uncomfortable thing to watch. Please tell me you were all mocking him, too.
     I may or may not (definitely may) have received multiple texts about his solo dance performance
--Did you notice they covered up Jade's back tattoo with makeup?
     Cinderella ain't got no time for sunburst back tats!
--I liked Jade's sparkle dress better than the one she chose
--How does she get to go on this fancy date and keep all the diamonds?
     Doesn't this seem like a date you would save for someone a little farther down the road?
     Good thing she got to escape at midnight or farmer Chris would probably have been expecting a little something something in exchange for the fine jewelry. Isn't that why boys give girls nice jewelry? Personal note: I'm no dummy and neither is Shawn. He got me the bling of the century and I know why. (I probably just went too far, didn't I?)
--Jade does seem pretty normal and down-to-earth. I like her hair better down though. 
--Why are they dancing on a platform? 
     I secretly hope they fall off. How funny would that be?
--And she flees at the strike of midnight!
     Ha! Do you think they sign something saying they will do exactly what the producers tell them to? I mean, how do you get Chris to waltz solo and Jade to run down the stairs a la Disney princess at the strike of midnight? I'd be like, oh, no thanks.  
     Actually, I take that back. If they gave me diamond earrings, I would probably run down the stairs, too. 

TRASH THE DRESS
--Jillian should be wearing a tuxedo, not a wedding dress
    When she flexes, I get scared. I'm sure Chris does too. 
--That mud course was probably fun for the first 3 (ish) minutes. They really should have a) not made them do it in wedding dresses and b) not made them run so much. 
     Running is just too hard. 
--I feel bad that you can see thru the wet dresses and see their underwear. 
     Why couldn't the producers have helped them out just a little bit? That's degrading, awkward, and annoying. (rant on this to follow)
--What was the point of this group date? They didn't even get to spend time with him at all, so it's a waste of time. 
--Of course Jillian won. No shock there
     She doesn't stop talking. 
     Her arms are huge. 
     "Planning is limiting" = interesting perspective
--"Her words come out faster than my head computes"
     Chris Soules is not smart. He even said it himself, so it's not that rude of me to say. 
     No wonder he can't carry on conversations. He isn't computing fast enough!
--Jillian plays would you rather? 
     Hated her would you rather example. Loved that she plays my favorite game
--How did Chris really say she could be in the top 3? 
     I have ZERO confidence in his woman choosing skills
--And Jillian just lost the crossfit competition for life. wah wah wah.
--I wish Chris had thrown her rose off the balcony. Would have been very bachelor Jake of him(remember that goofy pilot??)

ROSE CEREMONY
--The make-up artist has the worst make up ever
--Kardashian makes me want to die. Seriously. I'd like to petition to get her voted out of the mansion next.
     "It's weird for him not to make a move on me"
     Amen, sister. NOT. But a hilarious quote, nonetheless. 
     We get it. You are virgin. Now stop talking. For life.
--San Diego just moved to the top of my list, but probably to the bottom of Chris' because she isn't going to give it up like every other girl on this show. 
--He did NOT just get up in the middle of talking to Britt and walk off. (snap your fingers in a 'Z' formation)
     Britt was asking a very valid question, and I felt as though she was respectful. All she was saying is that if you are going to keep girls who keep getting wasted, taking off their clothes and talking dirty about sex, than I'm probably not the girl for you. VALID. 
However, Chris didn't like being called out. He couldn't even come up with a sentence to defend himself. All he had to say was "I see a different side of her and enjoy my time with her but I also like spending time with you blah blah blah" and I'm sure she would have been fine. But no, he pulled the 7-year-old tantrum card and walked away. YeeHaw!

MY RANTS
This season is awful (so far). Let's be real... I will probably be obsessed by the end of the season. I'm just a sucker like that.

#1- we watch the bachelor because we like to live vicariously through the show; watch the romance, the exotic destinations--anything to make our minds live in a false reality. Am I right? 
THIS IS NOT HAPPENING YET THIS SEASON. 
We don't want to watch dates at Costco, or in a muddy lake, and I definitely don't want to do a mud run. We already do those things for reals(well, I do one of the three). Where is the fantasy in this season? Where are the zip lining dates through the mountains in Canada and the sailing down rivers in Vietnam? The Cinderella date isn't going to cut it. 

#2- all these dates are trying to make Chris out to be a farmer. Yes, he's a farmer, but to the uneducated person (me) we might think of overalls, mud and stinky smells. This is no farmer Chris Soules. Chris drives a half a million dollar tractor and lives in a nice home. Yes, he is a farmer, but it doesn't mean he is constantly covered in mud and camping. 
I think there is confusion on who Chris really is. 

#3- I am not a feminist, but I feel like this season is a bit degrading to women. 
Example 1) the girls walk down main streets in LA in their bikinis
Example 2) the girls do a fun run in a wedding dress and the white dresses get wet and see thru
Ok, so I might only have two examples right now, but still. 

#4- Chris has been marketed as America's sweetheart, which he might be. However, homeboy loves to drink whiskey and get wild. Clearly. I mean, he keeps the drunkards, tatted and streakers. So, that's fine to like those things, but, stop playing him up like he's above everyone else because he's a sweet farmer. He's just a normal guy.

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Jimmy Kimmel is NOT funny

Disclaimer: I want to apologize in advance - I feel like this season hasn't been too great so far and therefore I don't have awesome material to work with here, so, I feel as though my posts are lack luster. My apologies. Stay with me though; Chris Harrison keeps promising drama. 
Get me Michelle Money as the bachelorette and I promise superb reading material.  


-- Chris isn't a good actor. He didn't even have morning face. 
-- Jimmy Kimmel is annoying
-- Amazing!!!!!!

-- Amazing!!!!!!
-- Amazing!!!!!! 
     $3, please

KAITLIN
-- She's wearing a crop top - what is that outfit? Sext lumberjack wannabe?

     I'd wear it if I had her body though, let's be real.
-- Costco? Dream date. Seriously. Pizza and froyo -- yes, please. Also, I'd be lying if I said Shawn and I haven't spent multiple weekend nights prowling the aisles of Costco. And now you all know how fun we are!
     Ketchup is gross
     Who needs helicopters when you have Costco? That might be what goes on my headstone. Can I get a hallelujah?
-- The Lipstick. Stop. Why does so much lipstick get all over Chris? It's bad and I can't take him seriously (wait, can I sans lipstick?) when he looks like a little boy who got into mommy's make up bag.
-- Kaitlin likes beef and whiskey - like a dude. She might act like a dude. She might BE a dude. She seems pretty rough around the edges. 
-- "I've dated legit farmers". 

     A) I don't believe it. 
     B) What does that make Chris? Legit farmers only do pigs, huh?
-- You can't buy a car without test driving it

     And that, ladies and gentlemen, answers ANY and ALL doubt about the fantasy suite. And also makes me want to puke. 
     I also don't believe Kaitlin when she said that she would be OK with him going all the way with 3 girls at the same time, and knowing about it. Yes, it might be a guy's dream, but no, she wouldn't really be cool about it. Lies on lies on lies.
-- Chris' laugh is super awkward sounding, and coming from the girl who "honks" and snorts when she laughs... yeah, maybe I have no room to talk.
     This isn't funny

     Go away Jimmy Kimmel. I want Jimmy Fallon!
-- Do they have to bring in a third party to make Chris seem funny? Apparently. 

     Kaitlin was laughing at Jimmy, not at anything Chris was saying.
-- "It felt normal" - oh, yeah, having dinner with a famous comedian.

     Totes norms.

GROUP DATE
-- The crossfit girls shirt says "stay classy" 

     How ironic. She seems anything but classy, but then again, she did have a Forever 21 bejeweled necklace on, so maybe she is classy
-- This date is gross
-- Crossfit is a dude. Riiiiight? She could kick Chris' trash

     Why is her bum always blacked out? Why can't she just stop cutting off the back of her shorts and wear shorts that actually fit her? #stayclassy
-- Holy shi ... Literally

     Ok,that was funny. Sorry, Mom & Dad. 
-- Bad victory dance
-- Karly - cute but weird eyebrows. They look like brackets [ and ] on the keyboard. Go ahead, look down at your keyboard. I'm dead on.
-- "You are a man and I am a woman" -- profound. Interesting pick up line. 
     Nice longhorn ring. She could kill someone with that thing. Hook 'em
-- Lots of kissing. Looooooots of kissing. But hey, he is a man, and they are women, and they are just doing test drives.
-- "Why are you kissing everyone else too?" --5head

     It's what this show is. Does she think he's only dating her? Did she really think that he was only going to kiss her? There are about 17 other girls there, sister. Did you forget? 
     Someone help the 21-year-old out. 

-- Why are Britt and Crossfit always all over each other. Lesbians?

    If you haven't noticed, start watching. They hold hands, snuggle, sit on each other. Just seems a little overkill.
    A little more normal in 3rd grade, but not for grown women.  
-- San Diego Becaa making him work for it -- I like it. 

     If you need the kiss for the rose, then you shouldn't want the rose. I'm glad there is at least one girl who isn't acting so desperado. 
     Stay classy, San Diego

WHITNEY
-- Her voice! I die!

    Helium obsession? Nails on a chalkboard?
-- Matchy match in pink. 

     The couple that matches each other, stays together
-- "I like girls who can go with the flow, be spontaneous..."- Chris "Let's crash the wedding. I'm spontaneous" - Whitney

     How spontaneous is that? She is able to come up with a spontaneous idea, right after he says that's what he's looking for! It is very spontaneous to crash a wedding set up by producers for you. I mean, who would have thought? Not me! I am just not that spontaneous. 
-- Loving the ambiance of that wedding - lights hanging down

     How magical did the trees look? I was in wedding heaven!
-- They seemed like an actual couple and comfortable and normal

     For one second, it seemed like we were just spying on a normal couple. How did the producers crash the wedding too? And how did they convince the bride and groom they knew someone? 
     I am tricked by the whole situation, but I actually enjoyed their date. 
-- Chris gave the most real genuine rose speech, and then he grabbed her face and kissed her! Passion, people!
      I think we just witnessed two people fall in love for the night, right before our very Bachelor obsessed eyes!
      Top 3?

POOL PARTY

-- I repeat: Jimmy Kimmel is not funny
-- Why is there so much makeup at a pool party? Headbands? False lashes?

     I get that it is National TV, but I think the headdresses were a bit overkill. Oh, and the stilettos? I never have quite understood that look.
-- Why does Chris have a choker on? Welcome back, 1992. 

     They must not have been able to afford a stylist for this season.
-- Jeulia- clearly not healed after her tragic situation. 

     I missed why she thought it was so important to tell him during the pool party. The timing seemed a bit off. I doubt Chris wanted to hear the life story over partying with 13 half naked women
     "Can I get a tissue?" CLASSIC.

     --See how much better your dates would be if you had Chris Harrison + crew following you around to hand you tissues [read: chapstick, treats] at the perfect time? 

--Jade making out on the bed. Aggressive.

     Her bathing suit looked like she was topples. Did you notice? It was skin colored, with blue fringe over it, but the fringe moved when she laid down and BOOM--nudie fake out.
-- The trio should go
-- Jillian is a man. I've already said that, but I believe it so much, I'm saying it again.
-- Plastic cups. I loved the plastic cup rolling down the hill. So high school. Too bad they weren't red SOLO cups or it would be 2004 up in here.

     Smoke & mirrors, folks. Nothing is as glamorous as it seems at the mansion.
-- Ashley Kardashian - "I hope I kiss him again because that will make me feel better" oh, and I have nothing to say so let's kiss in awkward positions.

     She was standing up, leaning over and almost falling off the roof. Glad that made her feel better!

ROSE CEREMONY
-- Chris' choices continue to confuse me
-- How is crazytown Ashley S. still around? And why do her eyes always look like she hypnotized. 
     My cousin Gretch said she looked like Sleeping Beauty when she was about to touch the spindle. Hilarious, yes freakishly accurate, comparison. 

Who are your favorites? 
I'm thinking Becca, Whitney & the widow. 



Thursday, January 15, 2015

Prince Farming - episode 2

You've all probably been wondering who won the battle of the Monday TV night viewing... well, Shawn watched the football game in the basement, and I watched the superior quality programming on the main level with my cousins and sister. I have a feeling this won't be the first time we watch different shows, simultaneously, yet on different floors of the house. 

-- Kimberly walks back in...cue creepy music
     How was he not going to take her back? She guilted him big time 

-- Zip up hoodie without a shirt? Guess that's cool nowadays?

-- Nothing like showering outside


POOL PARTY
-- "I'm more kardashian than I am county" 

     Girlfriend, we know. Nothing about you looks real

-- Overalls? - guess that's cool nowadays too? She and Chris have equally awesome fashion sense.

--Why is she smashing her head against the wall? She is going to ruin his helmet!


--Crossfit needs new bikini bottoms. If the producers have to black out the back AND front, you've got a problemo, and that's just not cute.

GROUP DATE
--I love Tandra. She seems cute


-- Belly chain ring?

     Is that a thing? You guys, I'm confused by the shirtless sweatshirt situation, the overalls and now the belly chain ring. The common denominator in all these is ME.... maybe it's me. I must be way out of touch with fashion? NOT!

--Juelia's story was too deep for this show

     I felt sad when she was sharing her story, but it just seemed a little too real and a little too deep for this show. Especially right after we are watching drunk idiots ram their heads into walls.

-- A one-on-one with the overall clad 5head? Guess the overalls worked. I'm surprised I landed Shawn because I don't own a pair! 

MCKENZIE
--Nose fettish, but why does that no surprise me?


--She likes big noses. That's weird. That's why plastic surgeons were invented. Just ask all my extended family. 


--Do you believe in aliens? Yep, she's definitely 21.

     Maybe Mckenzie IS one. I mean, she kind of looks like one.

--Did he give her the rose because she has a kid and he couldn't let her go after she said she was a mom? 
Just throwing that out there.

--Did she really count all her kisses and then tell everyone about it?
     That's one quick way to make sure every girl in the house hates you.

MEGAN
--Annoying. Dumb. 

     She thought a date card was a love note? Has she ever seen this show? 
     Do you think her make up is so great that you would guess she is a makeup artist? I only wear mascara and bronzer, so I really shouldn't weigh in, but that was my novice opinion.

--Helicopter on episode #2? That's usually an episode #4 or #5 move.

--Why is Chris' shirt unbuttoned to his navel? 

     Please tell me you noticed that. We know he has large and defined pecs, but come on! Let's leave something to the imagination

--Terrible first date outfit, girlfriend. Very jr high


--"The butterflies in my stomach are colorful and smiling and fluttering" 

     Sounds like a quote on the front of a Lisa Frank notebook 

--You want to go for a walk? Yeah, I'll take the rose with me... it can be like a walking stick. Totally normal.

--Blue eyes? 

     Nice compliment but I'm sure they are contacts

GROUP DATE

--Zombies

     I am so over the zombie thing

-- Ashley S. is retarded

     She acts like she took 7 Xanex and then chased it with hard liquor

--I don't want to be on this date ever


--Chris said the girls looked so sexy on their date?

     Shooting zombies - so sexy. Nothing sexier. I agree.

--"You guys really killed it today"

     Once again. Prince Farming charms us with his uber clever humor

--Stop drinking. Everyone. Why can't anyone control their liquor? Makes me so glad I don't drink because these girls are acting like fools.


--Katilin is a Miley Cyrus lookalike - "she is cool" according to Chris

     I'll be honest, she's a baby bit funny and she's kind of pretty when she closes her mouth normal and doesn't do the pouty lips thing. Otherwise, there are lots of bad things going on.

--Did you see how much lipstick Chris had on? His lips were bright pink! #classy 


--I'm more scared of Ashley than any zombie
     I don't even know what to say about Ashley


--Disney process- Britt- free kiss card? I want one of those.


COCKTAIL PARTY
--Genie belly button ring? Must be a New Jersey thing

     That virgin can kiiiiisssss
     The bigger the hoops, the bigger the ho, or so I've heard. And by the way homegirl was kissing, she might have proven that statement to be true.
     She should ride her magic carpet right off this show. Either that or use one of her wishes to ask for a redo on her makeout session with Chris.


--Flight attendant looks like Kylie Jenner

--Mckenzie is weirdly obsessed with Belly Genie being a virgin. She just keeps getting weirder

THE ROSE CEREMONY
--Crossfit almost crashed and burned. I was dying. And then, he wasn't even calling her name! Best 3 seconds of the episode. Then she had to keep laughing all weird just to overcompensate for her awkwardness. I just can't get enough.

--He really let cute Tandy go and kept crazy Ashley S. 
     I am really starting to think this show is scripted
     I'm sure many of you have thought that for years, but I'm a sucker, so judge away. 

--Kimberly got the boot on night #1 and night #2, and all she got was a pool party and a tractor race in downtown LA. Hope her embarrassment was worth a super lame group date!

RANDOM THOUGHTS
#1 - Chris might be really boring. And maybe mumbles and talks really quietly? Not into all of the above
#2 - This episode was subpar and so were the dates. Can't wait for all these previews they keep showing
#3 - There is no way that Chris actually wanted to keep Ashley S. --She's acting like E.T

I'm ready for this season to get good. 

Tuesday, January 6, 2015

Meeting Prince Farming

The start of the harvest!
Oh, how we have been in Bachelor famine for too long!

Let's get a few things down real quick:

1-Chris is hot
2-Chris isn't a legit farmer...farmers don't dress like him. He's more a businessman who owns a farm
3-He is wearing his shirt far too often in this first episode
4-He might not be funny. Hot, sweet & hard-working, but not so funny

CHRIS:

"I'm proud to feed the world" 
    --I'm not sure why but that made me laugh

"Love is a lot like farming... You plant a sead & watch it grow"

    --so glad his profession can be applied to love, in true bachelor nation fashion. Pilots, farmers, sales guys... it all applies to love. 

Just saying: I'd search corn fields in Iowa if bodies like Cody popped up in rows 


"First time I'll miss harvest"

     --I'll go out on a limb and say that's the first time we've heard that phrase on this show

RED CARPET PRE PARTY:

--Why am I not on the red carpet? I get so mad when I miss these things

--Shawn Lowe's beard is awful. It's a weird, red beard and it needs to go

--Another thing that needs to go = Catherine's see-thru stripped poncho situation that awkwardly rested on her shoulders. RIP Joan Rivers and the fashion police; we needed her tonight. 

--Bachelor babies!!!! I'd be down with a "real mom's of past bachelor seasons" series. Let's get that on VH1 stat.


--"We are 80/40 on the wedding date" -Lacey 

    --I would like to think that she's smart enough to know she said 80/40 on a previous season and was just making fun of herself, but then I look at her and realize there is no way she was smart enough to be funny. Six months later and barbie still hasn't learned a proper ratio.  I didn't take math in college and I didn't pass accounting, but I know 80/20 or 60/40, which makes me smarter than Lacey. Woo woo

--Nikki: what a yacker! She didn't say anything of substance. "We are two different people" News flash--all two people are different. Not that profound, but I'm glad you stood by your man.Don't worry girl... "eeeiiiis ooh kaaaay"

PREVIEW STORIES:

LA waitress 
    --Free hugs? Weird. I liked her until she did that. Also, was she a Disney princess in another  life? Shawn says she looks like Kelli Kaposki from Saved by the Bell. 

Producer-- man eater. Maybe she should date Cody, of Michelle Money's ex boyfriend fame.


Ballerina-- "I like not paying bills and I don't cook" 

    --a) kinda sounds like me  (don't tell Shawn) 
    --b) don't actually say that out loud
    --c) your eyes are popping out of your head and it scares me

Whitney-- the fertility nurse. She sounds like she's on helium. Her voice is killer, like the tone may literally kill someone. Her dog looks like a rat, but I have a feeling she's going a long way.


21 year with baby-- Kale is not a baby name. It's a food. 


Alyssa-- flight attendant. How punny.


Kelsea-- the 28 year old widow. Was she wearing a prom gown in her interview?

    --a)her story made me sad
    --b)I can't decide if I think she's pretty or not
    --c)her thighs probably don't touch, even when she crosses her legs! She clearly didn't eat her feelings away when her husband passed away.
 

OUT OF THE LIMO:
Britt- I want her hair. Amazing. Ok- Longest. Hug. Ever. Let go! Stage 5 clinger?
Whitney- cute yellow shoes
Widow- bad hair
Black & lace dress - pretty girl
Trina- 33 and crimped hair? Ok. Your name is stripper enough, but then you add the crimped hair? Two strikes & she should be out!
Donated tissue specialist? Weird job. Weirder entrance. Take your cooler home
Tara- booty jean shorts? She's no Jessica Simpson in the Dukes of Hazard glory days. Just sayin' And gross back tat
Nikki- former NFL cheerleader? AKA unemployed. So what do you so now? Being a former cheerleader isn't a profession. It's a job from a few years ago.
Someone brought a stuffed bear?
Secret admirer - weird. And belly shirt gowns aren't classy
CrossFit- Can't wait for her to talk about cross fit. What's the number one rule about going to CrossFit? A:Always talk about CrossFit.
Mckenzie- she has a big forehead (I know that's rude, but I also know that you were thinking it too) and maybe she should have brushed her hair
Ashley - 24? She looks 54! Her dress looks like an ice skating in the Olympics outfit
Dance instructor Kaitlin - Matching tats on the back of the arms-niiiiice. Dropping the F bomb- Classy. Almost as classy as the matching tats
Samantha- looks like Snow White
Michelle- Provo? How have I never seen her? I swear I've seen everyone in Provo. Does anyone know her? If so, I'm going to need deets. I like knowing things.
Juelia- weird way to spell your name
Becca- sequins. San Diego. Love it. Super pretty. 
Tandra- motorcycle (or did the horn make is sound like a vespa?) girl. I liked her dress and she seems pretty normal. 
Flight attendant - I actually like her dress
Jordan- whiskey. Her hair must have been done by her 5-year-old sister
A pig nose!!! Nicole.. Really? Not so cute. Not all farms are like "The farmer in the dell" from preschool with all the cute little animals running around. She might not be that smart either.
WWE diva in training- In lingerie. How is that the first time a girl has showed up in lingerie? How do you get 'diva' added into your job description? I'm sure Shawn would argue that mine could easily added, but whatever. Can't wait to see her first one-on-one when she challenged biceps mcgee Chris to a fight.
Carly- cruise ship singer. Awful. Bad, bad singing.
Teacher with student notes- she was cute and has a good introduction
BO- Plus size model. She just didn't stand out to me.
Kimberly- Did she borrow her rose ceremony dress from Brittney Spears's first wedding in Vegas circa 10 years ago? That dress looks like white chapel material. 
Kara- rainbow fish dress. 
Jade- is her top see through? It must be, because I think Chris likes her. She cried because she couldn't find parking? I get that. Seems like something I might do. 

"I wish I was a polygamist right now" 

     --according to previews for upcoming episodes, Chris wouldn't be a good polygamist. Homeboy has major drama rolling his way

--I loved when all the girls were lurking through the windows watching the last two limos show up. Very college school stalking of them, but it was appreciated because it took me back 8 years or so 

--Did you notice how many dark haired beauties there are? Shawn thought it was hilarious that I called them 'dark haired beauties' but there really were just a lot of Snow Whites tonight.

What was with all the drunkies? And an even better question--why did Chris KEEP all the drunkies? They weren't even cute enough to give them a pass. #Ratings #makemomanddadproud

Why did ice skating costume girl get so much air time? Picking a pomegranate? Thinking she saw a huge onion? Asking Chris if he was dying inside? He might not have been, but we ALL were.

You guys!!! The first impression rose...it was dying. Did you notice? Like the petals were falling off and wilting. That's so funny & ironic. I'm sure we could insert some commentary about how it's foreshadowing into their relationship; so beautiful at first, yet died so quickly.

Boom. First kiss. Get it guuuuurl.


CHRIS LOOKS LIKE SUCH A PLAYER! 
I hope it's editing, or we might just have another Juan Pablo on our hands. 

And ladies, please tell me you are commandeering the TV next week to force the Bachelor viewing over the national championship football game? It might be the first major fight in my relationship. And it might just be worth it.