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Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Bachelorette Kaitlyn: Episode 2

-the healer's vest is AMAZING. So much American pride
-Britt sure wears a lot of neon teen bracelets
-Brady talks like he is high

GROUP DATE #1
-"Laila Ali is a big deal if you know anything about anything." 
Well, guess I know nothing about everything because I've never heard of her.  
-"I forgot Kupah was on this date" -- Kaitlyn
     Not a good sign, my friend
-Who is going to win?
     Yeah, my money is NOT on the fashion designer; he seems frail
-"My idea of going to the gym is sitting in the steam room for 30 minutes" 
     I'm with you!
-Jared has creepy chest hair
     Jared is shockingly good. Ben Z is HUGE-those arms!- and has him by 50 lbs, so I am nervous that this isn't going to end well. But then again, Jared is the super hero, 'Love Man' and probably has special super hero strength, so he might be great after all 
-How do they think no one is going to get hurt when they do these types of dates? 
     They did a boxing date a few seasons back and someone got hurt on that season, too.  It's always going to be a bad idea when you have adrenalin-filled men, boxing to win the attention of a girl. 
-Ben Z. .... I like you
-Arellious? What the is that name?
     Justin, you are terrible for giving your son that name
-Jared looks like someone who would be on American Ninja Warrior
-Clint for the first one-on-one date? Shocked me
-JJ ... You are annoying and overly confident. I have a feeling he's going to be a trouble maker
-Ben Z. seems like such a man. A huge man. Congrats on the rose!

ONE-ON-ONE WITH CLINT
-It makes me feel weird that the girl has to drive, plus the guy always looks so uncomfortable
     Maybe I am a princess, but my Shawn always drives. Always.
-He looks like a Disney prince in character form
-Underwater photoshoots are all the rage? What rage?
     I guess I wasn't that cool because Shawn and I did our photo shoot on land
     If we could just go back in time, that's the one thing I would change about our wedding. Underwater photoshoot for sure. 
-The healer has so many wise words. Love is about.... Love is about...
-Oh, I am a total nose plugger. Always plugging. And here is the proof. Not as cute as it was in my head. It also makes me look like I am doing gang signs, but really I'm just plugging away!

-An underwater photo shoot is so weird and I think I would love doing it. May be not for engagements, but it would be hilarious. 
-Let's also talk about how an underwater kiss seems like it would be really romantic, but if it's more than just a peck, you have to open your mouth, which means water will go in, making it so you have to spit the water back out when you come up... get where I'm going with this? Or you have to breathe out which sometimes makes air bubble and other things come out of your nose. I mean, I'm willing to test it out this weekend and report back, but I see a lot of room for error. 
-Clint seems pretty quiet. Kaitlyn keeps doing all the talking.
     "I really like you" - K
     "Me too" - C
     "This has been a fun date" - K
     "I agree" - C
     SO DEEP. 
-Clint is a hunk of man? Isn't that exactly what she said about Ben Z? Girl needs some more description words.

GROUP DATE #2
-OK, I really don't know anything because I don't know who this comedian is. I'm 0 for 2 on knowing the celeb appearances this episode. 
     Street cred is now little to none. 
-JJ is great but he's missing humility, charisma and a sense of humor ... NAILED IT!
-Old Spice -- pretty good one liner
-Welder -- not that funny, maybe because I didn't super get it
-Dentist -- if it's not going well, unbutton your shirt -- OK!
-The healer -- the speech was hilarious
    Every time he talks I feel like I'm at the therapist or that I need a therapist. Probably both.
    "I will open myself fully to Kaitlyn but still maintain and open mind to the signs that Universe sends me" -- How can you not love him?
    Everything he says makes me laugh, yet leaves me so confused at the same time. And how about that time he referred to her as Britt and was corrected? oops.
-Kaitlyn is just a make out queen
-Kentucky Joe-- I'm into your accent

ROSE CEREMONY
-JJ is annoying
     This isn't church camp...good one, you're so funny...NOT!
     Go back home to your parent's
-Ian seems very genuine and real
     I would put him in my top 5
-Kupah says he hates the boxing? Lies!
     He just made that up because she called him out for not talking to her. He was 100% into boxing and was loving his private lesson time with the pros. And his babbling makes him sound like an idiot.
     Kaitlyn just brought down the hammer. Boom. She ain't messing around.
     He is a train wreck. Is he drunk? 

-Where was Shawn/Ryan Gosling this episode? He didn't get any screen time and I'd like to file a complaint!

To be continued? Again?
Lame. That's twice now this season and there have only been two episodes! 

Brady just asked Britt to be his girl? Isn't that so middle school?
Is anyone buying this? If so, then let's ditch the Bachelor/Bachelorette series and just give 'em one shot at love...take it or leave it. Britt took it! 
They both seem pretty desperate, and according to the Instagram, they have been posting pictures with one another, which means they have been dating since the season was shot three months ago. True love for sure, right? HAHAHAHA.

Thursday, May 21, 2015

Bachelorette vs. Bachelorette

one sheds tears
one sheds clothes

one talks dirty
one talks like a Disney princess

one has personality (although tacky & classless at times)
one has the personality of uh, a nail

What are your thoughts on having two bachelorettes? 
How does this work?
Who do you want to win? 
Personally, I think Britt is prettier and has a killer smile, but Kaitlyn has a thousand times better personality and seems real. As far as providing a better viewing season for us bachelor fans of bachelor nation, (well, probably anyone would provide a more exciting season than Prince Farmer...boreseville, right?), but if I must choose, I'd say Kaitlyn would be the better pick.
[just speaking from my professional opinion]


PART I

-Why do the two girls have matching hair?
-Britt seems overly confident
-I give an A+ to each of them for their dresses

PREVIEW OF THE MEN
-Detroit dad Jonathan: "automotive spokesperson" 
     I think he meant to say he's a car's salesman, but I guess 'automotive spokesperson' sounds fancier, so I'd go with that too

-Joe: Chris Soules part 2

-Josh: male stripper? I seriously thought that was not a real thing and by that I mean that I didn't know male strippers actually existed...and HOLY TATTOOS. 
     Lawyer slash stripper will look real nice on his business cards once he passes the bar

-Brady: emotional artist. He's on this show to become a famous singer, let's be real

-Joshua: Chris Soules part 3

-Ian: car accident survivor. Not terrible looking at all

-Jared: Super hero 'Love Man' 
     Creepy hair. And don't be a 5-year-old and make up super heroes

-Tony: 'Healer' YES. Yes and yes. 
     'Spiritual gangster' (that is what his poster said). I too, consider myself to be a spiritual gangster of sorts.
     And did he just kiss his plants? This guy is reality TV    entertainment gold!
     I vote for him just based soley on his level of crazy. 

-Ben: personal trainer who seems normal

**side note** Do you have to have at least 25% covered in tattoos to be eligible for this season?

Let's talk about how awkward it would be to stand 10 feet away from the other woman! You see their connection with someone else, you hear their conversation... I don't even know what to make of it. 
And the guys? Who do they go to first? Did it mean they liked that girl first or was it just a quick decision to avoid more awkwardness? I just really don't know what to say about this whole situation. 

FIRST IMPRESSIONS
-Ben: OK
-Jonathan: loved Britt
-Clint: looks like a mix of an uglier Hulk & Greenbay packer player, Clay Matthews
-Ryan: hot
-Jared: you shouldn't have unbuttoned your shirt
-Kupah: I love weird names but I don't think I would put this one on my baby names list
-Ian: I love that he just wants Kaitlyn and isn't going to mess around
-JJ: What's a former investment banker? Is that code for "unemployed"? Shawn says it means he is retired and wealthy.
     And, the puck joke was funny
     I'd puck you... and you pucked me bad. Just comical.
     Let's call it like it is: If JJ would have made this joke to Britt, I don't think she would have gotten it. Kaitlyn is just witty.
-Ryan: Junk yard specialist? No comprendo. 
-Bradley: Nice headband
-Daniel: Fashion developer has moves
-Josh the stripper: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA he cannot possibly be serious
     "You can have him, Britt" - Kaitlyn

Survey says: Cool or not cool that Kaitlyn left really quick to go give the first set of boys a shout out in the mansion? Britt obviously did not appreciate it and threw some jabs, but I think it was just because she didn't think of it. There are no rules on the Bachelorette, Chris Harrison says so, so in my opinion, all is fair-- Fair with a touch of awkward. 

-Joe from Kentucky: brought whiskey? Yeah, Kaitlyn will be into that
-Justin: helium voice who has giant lips
-Shawn: group hug. smart move. makes it less awkward. 
     An ugly Ryan Gosling
     I vote for him because he has the same name as my husband AND spells it the same way
     Kaitlyn loved him right off the bat and it was pretty awkward that Britt did too, but Shawn said he was there for Kaitlyn
-David: don't remember 
-Tanner: not memorable enough
-Corey: beach volleyball player 
-Tony: he and Britt are the best couple ever. 
     "The Universe will provide ... I believe in love, the real love"
     Did he just use the same pick up line on each of the girls? They are standing like 10 feet away from one another. 
     a) awkward and b) creepy
-Shawn: "Amatuer sex coach" driving a hot tub car. A "carpool" haha.   Get it? Where can I get one... A carpool, not a sex coach? Awkward.
     And for those of you who are newer readers, sometimes I say rude things, so here it goes: This amateur sex coach is ugly. 
-Chris: the dentist in a cupcake. Correction, HOT dentist in a cupcake. I'd take a bite out of that cupcake for sure!
-Joshua: welder from Idaho
-Ben Z: save the most normal for last


Ryan: Peace out
The junk yard specialist who belongs in the junk yard.
I thought you were cute but you were an annoying drunk. 
Do most men wear little underwear like Ryan was? I mean, most guys probably aren't expecting to strip down and jump [read: stumble and fall] into a pool on national TV but ...
I appreciated all the guys who were calling him out for being annoying and disrespectful. 
In your own words, Ryan, "YOU SUCK"

I think I like Kaitlyn because her laugh is so loud, ridiculous and obnoxious and that's how I feel about my laugh, so it kind of makes me feel validated weirdly enough. I know I keep calling her trashy and then just compared myself to her, but, tevs. 

"It's like looking into a mirror" -- Kaitlyn (When looking at the picture Shawn's nephew drew for her)
     OK. I was laughing so hard. That's a funny response to looking at an awkward picture drawn by a little kid. A response from someone with personality. 
Britt would have said "AW, that is so sweet. It's a beautiful picture and I'll treasure this gorgeous artwork from such a young talent, forever!"



... to be continued....
[You should have seen that coming. ABC isn't going to give you all the goods on the first night if they can drag it out and make you watch again, increasing ratings]



PART II

-Britt's not crying? She must not have tears left over from last season
-"I didn't see that coming at all"  
    Like I said, over confident
....I take it back, she has tears left

-Classy response from Kaitlyn asking if Britt is OK when Chris Harrison revealed the news
     She might be a bit trashy, but she might be a bit classy



-"I just found out I am the bachelorette and now I'm trying not to throw up" 
     Not cry, but throw up? Hilarious reaction.

The Dentist-- I wouldn't be mad if you kissed me either (I mean, if I was single and the bachelorette, obviously)

Shawn-- She feels about her Shawn like I feel about mine
     [insert: awww, that's so tender]

-Kaitlyn seems like a sexual creature. I have a feeling she is going to make out with anyone and everyone. Drama mama coming this season


THE ROSE CEREMONY

-The Healer moves forward. Hallelujah. He is going to make for some good TV.
     Also, does he have a black eye? He must have gotten into it with one of his plants.
     He should wash his hair and go find Britt. They seem like the same person in a universe/energy/ora/healing/organic food sense

-Brady-- he knows he isn't going to get a rose so he preempts Kaitlyn and tries to go out with dignity... watch and see
     Called it!
     Why does he talk weird? 

-The stripper doesn't want to go home because it's a blow to his ego? I thought this was about finding love. GO HOME, or back to the club. 


PREVIEWS FOR THIS SEASON

-Are we going to see Britt open the door for Brady? Don't tease us so much, ABC!

-Kaitlyn is WILD. Just admitting to the doing the sex word with one of the guys? Usually everyone on this show just tries to pretend like that doesn't ever happen

OK, folks...here we go. Looks like we have a season of wild times ahead of us

#teamdentist
#teamshawn