Thursday, January 7, 2016

Bachelor Ben - Episode 1

It's baaaaaaack
Monday is once again, my favorite day of the week.
Benny Benny Boo Boo Boo, welcome to the program!

-Did you see how dirty those windows were?
-This prarie land scene is giving me flashbacks to boring Chris Soules... make it stop!
-First kiss at a movie theatre, Ben? So American of you
-His parent's house is cool... they have a boat ramp!
-Why does he think he is unloveable? 
-"Finding my wife would make me a better man" -- that's cute

-Why is he looking around the bachelor mansion like he's never been in it before?
-Jason, Chris & Sean: one of these is not like the other. As in two are married and normal, and one is boring and annoying.
-Chris is a fail, why did they bring him on?
-"Kiss them all" - stop talking Chris Soules
     No one wants to listen to any advise you have
-Whoa Jason Messnick, check out your pit stains. Holy huge tacos!

-Ben has more hair on his chest than I would have thought for this baby-faced 26 year old

Let's meet the ladies:
-Lauren - flight attendant - I'd only wear a bikini if i had that body. AAAAAAnd that's why my body doesn't look like that
-Caila - sales rep - seeing Ben on TV made her dump her boyfriend? Does that not raise red flags with anyone else? 
     Also, Shawn is now worried that I might get ideas and leave him for TV Ben too. Not likely. 
-Jubilee - military - sweet chest tattoo...and thigh tat, oh and lot's of other tats. She might be tougher than Ben. Like, she might have more testosterone than Ben and could throw him around.
     Also, thank you for serving our country.
-Mandi - dentist - skinny & creepy eyes
-Emily & Haley - "the twins" - do they always match? I hope they pull pranks on people using their twin gift
     How have they not twins on the show before? I am surprised this is the first time we are seeing double.
-Amanda - mom - beautiful but annoying voice
-Tiara - chicken enthusiast  -- weirdest person ever. She has framed pictures of her chickens! 
     You guys, that is not OK. Dogs-yes. Chickens- not so much. Nothing against the chickens, but it's just bizarre. They can't love you back or snuggle with you.
-Sam - attorney - she just graduated law school but then her description says she is a lawyer.... my guess is that she isn't a lawyer yet, just like Ashely (JP) wasn't a dentist yet. [remember that?] Oh, the fallacies that are Bachelor job descriptions.

-A hug from Chris Harrison would also calm my nerves

-Flight attendant - she's pretty and looks like her and Ben match each other and would look cute in pictures together. Like cute, baby faces or a Ken & Barbie vibe.
-Caila - did she really just jump into his arms? Also, that dress is Mormon approved. And maybe a shorter, blue version of my wedding dress. Am I right? Makes me like her a tiny bit.
-Jennifer - Ben & Jen is cute. RIP Afleck & Garner 
-Jami - bar tender. Nothing else to say about her. Obviously didn't stand out.
-Sam - red is a good color on her
     Just passed the bar exam... so she wasn't an attorney at the time of the beginning interview. I called it, did I not? 
     I am not sure if that is something to be proud of, or just overwhelming evidence that I'm a bachelor freak.
-Jubille - the "drill sergeant" with a see thru white dress.  
     That was NOT a pick up line, was it? Do pick up lines work?
-Amanda - yeah, she's still pretty 
-Lace - stole the first kiss and Ben looked like he was going to pass out. Pretty dumb move. 
     Also, her name might be a stripper's name
-Lauren - math teacher - stalked him over social media for two months. Let's be real--they all have, but I don't know if it makes it cute or creepy that she admitted it. A+ for honesty though.
     He keeps asking what her name is, but she just kept talking. I can't tell if that was part of her plan, or if she was just that awkward.
-Shushana - what language is she speaking? Does she speak English?
-Leah - she really just hiked her dress like that? Gross.
     She is so pretty, but why did she do that stupid opening? No need to bend over like that
-Unicorn Jojo- Not the way I would want to make my debut, but she is pretty
-Lauren - bouquet toss with dead flowers? 
-Laura - "red velvet" - not a nickname that just rolls off the tongue, now is it?
-Mandi - she is too weird to be a dentist. 
     There is a huge flower on her head. WEIRDO, oh, she's the first impression rose. I get it. And I still hate it. 
-Twins - their occupation is being a twin. That's funny.
     Do they count as one or two roses?
-Meagan the cowgirl - I like her pony more than I like her
-Breanne - nutritional therapist who literally is smashing bread? No need to be violent. One of the weirder introductions.
-Izzy - "are you the onsie for me" (Wouldn't this be better suited for a cute way to ask someone to prom?)
     She should change, because as comfortable as that is, it's not exactly flattering on the backside. Talk about making it look like you have the longest bum ever!
-Rachel - rides in on a balance board--that's cool. Unemployed? Sure, that's cool too
-Jessica - accountant - pretty eyes. A normal entrance and classy comment goes far. Cheers to being normal!!!
-Tiara - go back home to your chickens
-LB - hot pink dress. Not that impressed 
-Jackie - what's a Gerontologist ? She made a wedding announcement of the two of them? And a hashtag? Now, she's efficient!
-Olivia - news anchor in Texas. He thought she was beautiful, you could tell.
     Also, the former TV station employee in me wants to know how she is she taking time off during sweeps (ratings period for TV). You can never get time off during sweeps. [Insert Shawn mocking me for being a TV dork] I'm going to see what station she worked for. Must not have been a big market. Also, this is a publicity stunt. You with me on that one?

...and then he calls his dad...
Cute or too attached?

-The rose head for the steal. Why is she giving him a dental ex-am? More importantly, why is he letting her?
-Picking a spot on the map and just going ... Do you do that a lot, Ms. Broadcaster? I don't think she has actually just pointed to a spot on the map and then just gone there. Do you think she looks like Cameron Diaz?

-Do we think Becca is still a virgin?
    I really wish I looked like her, and I think Shawn (my husband) does too. He kind of got a sparkle in his eye when she appeared. Ok, maybe I did.
-Amber has outstayed her welcome on the Bachelor franchise shows
-Lace needs to stop drinking. She is going to be a big problem
     Dang, I was hoping that he was going to send her home
-The flight attendant for the win. You could see that coming
-Lace just keeps drinking
-I love that he calls them 'guys' and 'young ladies' 
    'Crazies' would also probably be an appropriate way to address them
-I am glad Jubilee could say "yes" with her dress being so tight and all 
-Who would want to go to the dentist after the display she has put on tonight? I wouldn't want a crazy all up in my grill.
-I wish he would have kept one twin and let the other go. 
-He kept the girl who doesn't speak english? I guess she must speak the language of love (insert cheesy bachelor pick up lines)
-WHAT!? NO!! He had to have been forced to keep the dentist
-and Lace??? Ratings, people. Ratings. He is way too normal to be crushing on Lace.
-She is so drunk. Just send her home. Now. 

Are you shocked at some of the people she had stay? Like more than normal? Every season I feel like there are people I am shocked stay, but I can tell that so many of the girls he kept are NOT matches for him.

I tried to watch the Live after show with Chris Harrison, but it's terrible. Confession, I did watch the whole show, but I had Shawn hit FF pretty much the whole time. 

I don't get the purpose of that show, but I'd totally go on and do it. I'm such a hypocrite. 

My top 4:
-Flight attendant 
-OK,I only have a top 3 right now. 

Until next Monday...