Wednesday, January 20, 2016

Bachelor Ben - Episode 3

- I can't get over how ugly Olivia is without make up
    I am no beauty queen, trust me, but she is like night and day different looking

Lauren B. one-on-one  

-I think she looks all-American
(why are so many of the women hanging out in sport's bras?)
-Why do they keep putting these girls in convertibles with their hair down? We all know how awful it is to try and brush your hair after you ride top-down. It's knot city!
-They are in the front and the driver is in the back? 
     Seems like it would be hard to see for navigation purposes
-I like that their aviattion goggles are for looks only
-Darn mic gets in the way of the first kiss... and every kiss
-It's hard to watch him with another girl, Olivia? You can't actually see him up there in the plane. And, I know you are delusional and think he's your husband, but he's not.
-Lauren B. makes funny, sassy comments
-She doesn't like situations she can't control? But she came on the bachelor?  Seems like that won't work out
-A hot tub in the middle of nowhere?  
     Why yes, this is the Bachelor after all
-What is Ben's tattoo??? Seems girly
     Are you seeing this? A poem? What is it?
-Why is the tip of her nose so red? It's like red red

-Calm down, Caila! Emotional. 

-You don't want to hear about another girls? Well, Jojo doesn't want to hear you cry over him either!

-Lauren B. is going to the end. Watch. 

-Ben needs to cut the little curls on his forehead. It looks kinda creepy and greasy.
-Her white dress is darling
-Ben should pick her because he'd get awesome flight benefits, and who doesn't want free flights?
-Who are these singers they keep bringing on this show? I am a country junkie and I don't know who this is
-Oh, look! It' the awkward 'holding the rose with one hand while trying to dance and make out at the same time' part of the season.

Group date- soccer camp

-Jamie is gross. I am rude, but she isn't cute
-These girls are terrible at soccer
-The war veteran needs to stop whining about not being his type
     Then go home!
-Why is Jojo stuck being the therapist for these cryers? 
-Notice how she didn't say a word to either Jubilee or Caila after their crying episodes? Atta girl
-Will the producers please stop giving Olivia screen time?
-Beast mode twin Emily is awesome at goal tending
-Bummer. Olivia's team won which means we have to hear her speak more
-I really wanted the stars to win; I like more girls on their team and their uniforms are cuter.
-Shushana is a champ for carrying Rachel into the house

-I think it's funny that the girls were making fun of Olivia's toes

-Want to make enemies fast, Jamie? Go tell Olivia that the girls were making fun of her. Dumb move. 
-Amber went in for that kiss. Ben did not. Agressivo. 
    I don't think I'm an Amber fan.
-Olivia is delusional. He pushed off her leg!? He also pushed off on Jamie's leg on the other side of him. 
     Trust me, we re-watch the scene, just to make sure. There was an equal amount of force exerted on both women's thighs for the push off.

-Is it bad that I want to FF through Jubilee's date?

-Ok, I will force myself to watch it
-Enter the obligatory bachelor helicopter
-I like that Jamie called Jubilee 'awko taco' and that's hilarious
     If she keeps saying funny things, I wouldn't mind if she stayed
-Jubilee's pants are see-thru and her bum is going way back and forth, step by step, Nikki Minaj anaconda style. 
     You know what I'm talking about. Don't pretend.
-She can't answer one question honestly. All she does is pretend like she's not into anything. 
-She loves the sarcasm and the other girls obviously don't get that
    I guess Jubilee didn't get the memo that sarcasm is not allowed to be used in reference to wanting or not wanting to go on dates with Ben. It's just unacceptable, I guess.
-I like that she just spit up her food-- I'd do that
-Hot dogs are disgusting. 
-She just called him white boy?
     Bring on the racial comments
-Her body is banging but those tats are all so gross and weirdly placed
-She is a sass with an @$$ that she sure likes to show off
-Another swimming date ... Ben likes the water, or girls in bikinis
     Yep, it's the latter of the two
-She is very into her jokes. 
     I am also very into my jokes, so I get that.
     I often remind Shawn of how awesome my jokes are and how funny I am. Just in case he were to ever forget ;)
-Did she just steal Ben's line of not thinking she is loveable? 
     Ok, her justification for thinking that is way more legit than Ben's 
-Her fingernails would be awesome for back scratching
-She is very 'what you see is what you get' and I think Ben likes that
-Every time they show Jubilee, I see another tat I've never seen before
-They seem like a very unlikely pair to me, but he seems genuinely into her

-Ben just told her that people close to him died and she is crying to him talking about her cankles? And she hates her lower body?   

     Someone can't take social cues very well
-Did you see Lauren B. shoveling? She was attacking that salad
-Of course Ben loved a good massage. The girls are just mad they didn't think of it
-Amber is dramatic and digging her own grave right now
     I think she is too old for Ben and too old for this show, so she could just leave
-It was very sweet that Ben just stood up for Jubilee. I bet Amber felt so stupid
     She just stood there watching while Ben & Jubilee had a moment. It's like she made her own 3-on-one date...and no one ever wants  to go on those!
-Yes! Please go home, Lace
     I don't think she is as crazy in real life, but I bet she just can't hack this situation and it brought out the loco in her
-Listen to your tattoo: you can't love someone else unless you love yourself first. 
     Thank goodness for deep tattoos to help us through the rough patches, right?
-Every time I see Olivia, she gets less and less pretty to me

-Shushana is a mathematician... what does a mathematician do?

-Olivia is such a mind reader, huh?